So you want to try anal sex? Good for you! As a guy, I know how exciting this can be, which is why it’s that much more important to do it right. While anal play may seem like an easy thing to do, it actually takes a bit of preparation. This is why it’s a good idea to plow through these anal sex tips for beginners if, you know, this is your first time dabbling in anal sex.
Now, I also want to stress that regardless of whether you’re among the 43% of guys who like to be the ones who penetrate or ones who like to be on the receiving end of anal play (also known as pegging in the straight world), this article is for you.
Anal Play for Beginners
Luckily for all of us, anal sex is not as taboo anymore as it used to be in the past. However, there are still a lot of things people don’t consider when engaging in anal sex precisely because it hasn’t been that much on the radar as vaginal sex has been.
It’s not rocket science, of course, but there are some things you absolutely must know so you and your wife/partner can have anal sex safely and receive maximum pleasure out of it.
Talk to Your Partner About It
Obviously, it’s not a good idea to just start having anal sex without talking about it with your wife or partner first.
The worst thing you can do is just tell her that, “Ooops, I got into the wrong hole accidentally, so why don’t we just go on while we’re at it?”. That’s a classic asshole territory you’re entering, and no, I’m definitely not talking about that hole right now.
So, yes, anal sex should be consensual like any other type of sex play. There’s no going around it, no matter how long you’ve been together.
If you don’t know how to start the conversation, just try asking your wife (in a casual, relaxed setting where you’re free to talk openly and honestly) if she’s up for trying something new in the bedroom. Ask her what are her wishes and desires, listen to what she’s been thinking about trying, and then discuss that as well. Then you can also say “I’ve been thinking a lot about anal play lately, and I was wondering if you’re maybe up for trying it…”
Don’t pressure her into doing it, and tell her you can start slow if her main concern is that it’ll hurt.
If she says yes then it’s time to cross over to other stuff, like using a lot of lube and taking it one step at a time.
And What About Pegging?
If you want to try pegging and you don’t know how to ask your wife about it, I suggest you just start it off as any other conversation you have about sex.
For those of you that are unfamiliar with the term, pegging is an act where the man is being anally penetrated by a woman (with fingers or a sex toy). Anal stimulation in men is thought to be connected to the prostate, which is a tissue that has a lot of nerves and can cause pleasurable sensations, and even a prostate orgasm when stimulated.
I know pegging can be a taboo for some men – some may desperately want to try it but feel like they’ll be less of a man if they do. But that’s because we’re still stuck (unfortunately) in a very narrow definition of what sex and pleasure are, and what masculinity means, as well as the idea of being a man, the one who always needs to penetrate.
Well, my friends, you don’t always need to penetrate. If it suits you right, you can also be on the receiving end of anal play. Your wife can use a finger, a sex toy like a vibrator or a dildo, or a strap-on – basically, whatever floats your boat!
Let the Recipient of Anal Sex Guide the Anal Play
This is a good idea when you’re beginning to experiment with anal sex. Because anal sex can be uncomfortable and even painful for some people, in the beginning, it’s good to let them have control even though you’re the one who’s penetrating them.
That way your partner will more easily tell you when the whole thing doesn’t feel quite right and she’ll have more power over the act. If you let your partner control the angle and the speed of penetration, as well as how deep you go, it’s more likely she’ll feel more satisfied than otherwise.
If, however, both of you have a thing where she willingly wants to give up control over the act, and she’s okay with feeling potential pain, that’s also fine. As long as you’ve talked it over and you’re both on the same page, you can have all the fun and pleasure in the world.
And the same goes for pegging, fellas.
It’s Okay if Anal Sex Gets a Bit Dirty at Times (You Know What I Mean)
Anal sex is anal sex, simply said. It’s going to get dirty at times, that’s for sure. However, there’s nothing to worry about. It happens to everyone.
When you start with anal sex, you have to let go of the feelings of shame that come along with it. This may take some time, but it is necessary if you want to enjoy it. This, of course, is different from the feelings of doing something taboo or “wrong”, which can actually make the whole experience sexier.
That being said, if you happen to see any poop, it’s no big deal. It’s actually a pretty natural part of anal sex. If you happen to encounter some, don’t be an asshole and chastise your partner about it. Be compassionate and kind and show her you’re not upset by it. The same goes for you. If you’re being pegged, and she encounters some poop, don’t freak out and die from embarrassment. Laugh it out, be kind to one another, and make sure you always have towels, wet wipes, and/or paper at hand.
So, unless you or your partner have a condition that affects their digestive tract and can’t hold their poop, encountering a little of it is not a problem at all.
It’s a good idea to go to the bathroom and clean up a bit before you have anal sex. A little water will do just fine, or unscented, hypoallergenic wipes, because if you use soap it might upset the anal cavity, which is quite sensitive.
Should You Have an Enema Before You Have Anal Sex?
The answer is, not really.
You don’t necessarily have to thoroughly clean your colon before engaging in anal sex. Enemas clean very deep, and if you use them frequently, they may cause damage to the inside of the anus, making it dry and thus more prone to bleeding and tiny fissures (making you or her more prone to STIs, as well). What’s more, frequent enemas can also cause other long-term health nuances, such as constipation.
Instead, when you do the number two, or before anal sex, you can clean the outside area with water and wet wipes (just make sure they don’t contain any perfume or soap). If you really want to use an enema, try using it just at the very opening of the anus, and not deep inside of it. Trust me, it’ll be enough.
How to Start – Tips for Anal Sex
These tips and tricks when starting with anal play may very well turn a potentially average or before average first-time anal sex experience into a fun and satisfying one. So make sure to read on, and read carefully!
Start Small – Try Rimming, Use Fingers or Small Toys
One essential thing about anal play is that you don’t rush it. It’s better to start slowly, with either your fingers or a small sex toy. You can also try rimming, which is a term for anilingus, or anal oral sex.
Once you or your partner get comfortable with a finger or a small butt plug, you can try it with two fingers and/or a bigger sex toy. After that, you can use your penis, or your partner can use a dildo and penetrate you.
It’s not easy to say how long you’ll need to feel comfortable with a dildo or a penis. It depends on everyone individually, and how tight their anus is. Some people will be totally cool with it even from the first time, and some will take more than a few tries to get there.
For the anuses that have a harder time opening up and relaxing, you can try and alter your penetration technique.
Instead of going slowly in and out, which often doesn’t improve the level of comfort for the penetrating partner, you can try something else. You can put your finger or penis in her anus, at the very entrance, enter a little bit, and then stay there for 10-30 seconds. This is good because the anus has time to get used to the object inside it and relax. After that, you can push a little further (gently) and stay there again.
Also, don’t forget to consult your partner throughout this whole process. Ask them what feels good and what they want you to change or do better.
For anal play, it’s important that you’re comfortable with one another and that you trust one another enough so you won’t have any problems communicating about sex.
Use a LOT of Lube
Anal sex and lube go hand in hand, there’s no doubt about it. Why is this so? Well, for the simple reason that the anal cavity doesn’t have naturally lubricating mechanisms like the vagina does, so you can’t count on it lubricating itself.
That’s why, if you want to give or receive a less painful and more satisfying anal experience, it’s a good idea to always use lube. Silicone lubes – and especially ones designed specifically for anal sex are usually recommended more for anal play because they have a thicker consistency and don’t dry out as fast as the water-based ones do. But, if you’re using toys, then silicone lubes might not be such a good idea because they can damage them. Instead, either look for longer-lasting water-based lubes or silicone lubes which are safe to use for silicone sex toys.
And, then there’s also a third type of lube you can use – a CBD-infused lube such as Spark. This is something that’s becoming more and more popular in the past years, and I highly recommend trying it out.
This lube doesn’t have any synthetic ingredients and is made from all-natural stuff, most of them coming from the hemp plant.
Don’t Look at Porn as an Instruction Manual on Anal Sex
Okay, so you can use porn to get off, watch it together, and masturbate together, or just as a form of foreplay… But please, please don’t use it as an instruction manual for anal sex.
Porn is about performance – it’s a film and shots are heavily edited, moves and poses are heavily choreographed… And often, it’s portrayed as a uniform experience – only one type of anal play is present in mainstream porn.
While sure, some people maybe would want to do it that way too, and that’s fine. But, if you turn to porn for your first-time anal sex, and once you get into bed with your wife, you start to have rough butt sex and she gets really uncomfortable and it becomes painful… well, chances are she might not want to do it again, and you may end up hurting her – both psychologically and physically.
The Body Should Be Relaxed During Anal Play
One of the most important things about anal play is to be relaxed. If you’re not relaxed, the muscles will contract and make the whole experience much less pleasurable and much more painful.
That’s why it’s a good idea to start with something relaxing, like a good massage, or foreplay. You can try and massage your partner’s lower back, then going towards her thighs and ending up at the anus, which you can also gently massage with your finger.
The important thing is just to do what feels natural and use any relaxation techniques that might help you or your partner out.
By All Means, Never Switch from Anal to Vaginal Sex
This is something that you absolutely have to get inside your head. You mustn’t switch from anal sex to vaginal sex right away. Why? Because the bacteria in the anal cavity can cause nasty infections to the vagina and the bladder of your partner. They can cause yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, cystitis of UTI, and also more serious stuff like kidney inflammation, caused by the UTI.
If you really want to continue having vaginal sex, then by all means wash up your penis, your finger, or the sex toy you were using thoroughly and use soap if you can, because it’ll kill the bacteria more efficiently.
Don’t Use Numbing Creams
When your starting with anal play, you or your wife may be tempted to use a numbing cream to counter the uncomfortable and/or painful feelings you may have at the start. But I suggest you stay away from them and keep going slow and making gradual progress.
That’s because numbing creams, as the name says, make the area temporarily numb and inhibit you from feeling pain or discomfort that might be a warning sign that you should go slower, put more lube, or stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. If the place is numb, you can risk damage to the area, such as the aforementioned fissures and bleeding, and other types of injuries or damage to the tissue.
Try It On Your Own First
You know your body best, so why not try something new by yourself first? If your partner is the one that wants anal sex, then encourage her to try anal play on her own.
You can use either a finger or a sex toy, and just follow your own pace. When you’re doing stuff on your own you have more control of everything, and the body is more relaxed. You can easily follow your body’s signals and sensations, and change the rhythm if you feel so, or stop entirely if it gets too uncomfortable or painful.
That way you’ll have a much better idea about what feels good and what doesn’t, and how far you’re willing to go. Also, you’ll be better able to tell your partner how you like to be touched.
As you can see, anal play can be a fun and pleasurable experience. All it takes is good communication skills, some practice, and being relaxed.
And if you find out it’s just not for you, even after you’ve tried it a few times or more, don’t force it. Let it go, return to it later on or never again. It’s up to the both of you to make the most out of sex and enjoy yourselves the best way it suits you.