Biting During Sex: A Guide to What’s Ok and What Isn’t

Let’s admit it – biting is sexy. I’m not talking about chomping your partner’s ear and then tearing it off in a final bout of passion, Mike Tyson style. I’m talking about light nibbling and sucking on the lobe, the neck, the space between the shoulder and the neck, the nipples, the thighs…  Biting is actually considered to be a light form of BDSM. And, it has its own technical term, called “odaxelagnia”, which also kinda denotes the pleasure you get from being bitten. You may also encounter it online as a “vampire fetish”, “biting kink” or “biting fetish”. Which are much sexier terms, if you ask me.  Don’t be afraid to sink your teeth deeper into the subject of biting during sex. Here I’m going to tell you everything you need to know about the basics around biting and sex. Even if you’ve already done this a couple of times during sex, it’s good to revise. We’ll see what’s allowed and what isn’t, and how you can introduce it in your sex life.  And if you’re completely new to the experience, it’s gonna be even more entertaining to go through this article. 

Biting and Sex – What You Need to Know 

Biting offers a specific and sexy way to express both your passion and aggression during sex. It allows you to do this in a really sexy, playful way without any inhibitions. I mean, how many times have you heard the metaphors about sex and food, sex and the act of eating? Heck, even the first lovemaking night of a newly married virgin couple is named “consummation”!  So, you wanna eat your partner up? If you’re thinking about including a bit of a kink in your sack, then why not start with some bitin’? 

What Is Sexual Biting? 

Sexual biting is the activity of biting your partner during foreplay or sex, by using your mouth, teeth, and jaw. Biting can also be accompanied by sucking, which can add to the experience, and make it even more arousing. Sucking is done by taking a piece of skin between your teeth and literally sucking it, as you do to juicy fruit. Or like vampires suck blood, you know. 

What are the characteristics of sexual biting?

Biting and sucking have their own degrees and thresholds of pain. So if you do them lightly, there’s gonna be a very light tingling sensation on the skin. But if you bite harder, there’s definitely gonna be pain involved. Which is part of why they’re so arousing for some people.   Hickeys are a common side effect of sexual biting and sucking (especially sucking!). So, if you don’t want any trademark love marks on the visible parts of your body, you gotta be careful not to suck or bite too much or too hard.  Sexual biting can be just a light nib on the lip, the ear, the cheek, the neck. Or, it can be a deeper sinking of your teeth in your partner’s butt cheeks, thighs, the side of her boobs, her shoulder, etc. I mean, almost any body part can participate in the biting. 

Why Do People Like to Bite Each Other? 

Yeah, what is so enticing about sexual biting? Well, my friends, sex, pleasure, and pain have been best buds for a long time now, haven’t they?  Sex is about intensity and both pleasure and pain are intensive sensations. Also, one very important reason that they’re so closely bound together when it comes to sex has to do with our brains. Turns out that pleasure and pain are activated by the same neural mechanisms. This is to say – they’re connected to the brain’s rewarding system, the one that’s responsible for regulating motivation-driven behaviors.  According to the same article by MedicalNewsToday, “the “high” experienced by people who find painful sensations sexually arousing is similar to that experienced by athletes as they push their bodies to the limit.” So it’s no wonder that stuff like biting, spanking, wax play, nipple tweaking, and even heavier BDSM play like erotic electrostimulation. And different people can withstand different thresholds of pain – some get excited by just how much they can endure, as this is a test to their limits. Pain adds to the pleasure, it compliments it, to put it simply. But there’s also something else about biting that’s really alluring when it comes to sex. Biting has this primal, animalistic feel to it. In the world of nonhuman animals, biting can be a sign of play, of showing affection, but also of power, of attempting to assert control and dominance.  And this goes for us humans as well. Combine all of this together, and you have a perfect recipe for really sexy BDSM play, right? 

What You Should and Shouldn’t Do With Sexual Biting

Now that we’ve clarified the sexual and psychological reasons behind sexual biting, it’s a good idea to cross over to the actual do’s and don’ts.  Next, I’m going to tell you all about what it’s okay to do when you’re biting during sex and what’s a definite no-no. 

If You’re Just Starting Out – Bite Lightly

This is very important for any kind of new sex play, sex position, or kink, fetish, whatever it is you’re introducing in your sex life. Start small and start slow. Even if your wife or partner is super hyped about it, don’t enter with full force at the first try. Otherwise, you risk overdoing it and scaring off your partner, which might mean never doing it again (or not in the foreseeable future anyway). 

Talk about it and ask for consent

And another thing is, of course, consent. This, again, goes for any sex thing you do together. It’s okay to have different kinks – by communicating you’re just making sure you’re both ok with something. There’s nothing wrong with talking openly about them. So, talk to your wife before you even begin making love or doing foreplay.  If you want to do it during sex, you can maybe try very, very gently grazing the skin of your partner with your teeth. Alternately, you can take it with your lips only, just to show them the gesture and see how they react to it. Throw in a question if you can immediately after that, something like: “Did you like that? Do you want me to bite you a little bit, see how it goes?”  If they say yes, again, don’t overdo it. Be gentle and ease into the whole thing.  If she doesn’t want to do it, leave it for some other time. Maybe she’ll grow fond of it and maybe you’ll just have to drop it altogether. The same goes if you’re the one who doesn’t want to do it.  Either way, it’s ok. Some people are just not into biting, it creeps them out and they don’t like the sensation of pain and teeth on their skin. 

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries 

Besides consent, boundaries are another piece of the puzzle when it comes to sex stuff. And, especially when it comes to BDSM sex play.  Boundaries give you a sense of limits, they help you know what is and isn’t ok to do when you’re getting into a new kink or sex act. And biting, of course, is definitely not excluded from this either.  So, once you’ve both agreed to bite each other, the only way to know your limits is to start biting one another. Again, start lightly. Once you begin biting your partner, you can ask them follow-up questions like “Does it hurt?” or “Am I biting too hard?”  You can also come up with a safe word or safe gesture of some sort if it’s easier for you. Another thing you can do is experiment with thresholds of pain and different biting intensities and see which ones fit both of you best.  However, you should bear in mind that this limit is not fixed. Even if you know more or less your partner’s tolerance for bite pain, it can change and it does change with time. Take, for example, the hormonal variations throughout the month. These can affect pain tolerance big time. Women are said to be more sensitive to pain before their monthly cycle begins. The same goes for how sensitive her breasts and nipples are. 

Watch Your Bite 

So, you’ve covered the consent and the boundaries. Great news! The next thing you should do is figure out where your partner wants you to bite her.  Yes, biting can be done almost anywhere on the body, but people have different preferences. Some want to be bitten on the nipples, and others can’t stand the sensation of being bitten there. Maybe your wife will prefer neck and thigh bites and you’ll prefer stomach bites and shoulder bites. Anything goes.  So it’s only fair to ask where she wants to be bitten. It’s quite simple. One question and that’s it.  Also, you can maybe talk about the different types of bites while you’re at it. Maybe she’d prefer them lighter on some body parts (like the nipples, for example), and harder on others (the shoulders, let’s say).  Another thing is spicing up the bites with sucking, licking, and kissing. Bites should usually be accompanied by kisses. I mean, people rarely go about biting others and having sex (just picturing it seems super weird).  Kissing also helps you build anticipation. Licking the bitten spot is a sign of “temporary truce” between the passionate sides in this “sex battle”. 

Be Mindful About the Possibility of Leaving a Mark

It’s not like all grownups hate hickeys or bite marks. In fact, some consider them to be really sexy, a sort of corpus delicti of being subjected to the throes of passion.  But, some people just don’t want em or can’t allow for them to be visible (work reasons, for example).  And it’s not that hard to leave a bite mark, especially when you’re aroused and there are all these sensations mixing in. It’s even easier if you’re biting and sucking the skin (sucking is actually the biggest culprit behind hickeys).  So, again, ask. Ask your partner whether it’s ok to leave bite marks on their body and whether it’s ok if you sometimes make them accidentally.  If your partner loves em, on the other hand, it’s easier. But, make sure to choose spots that aren’t directly exposed in everyday life (work and family reasons, again).  If both of you really get off from sex bites and marks, hickeys and whatnot, there’s a catch on how to enjoy them and how not to get caught. It’s quite simple actually: just pick a spot on the body that’s meatier.  The butt cheeks are a great example of this; so are the thighs, the stomach, and the area around the breasts. This way it’s gonna be much easier to make a juicy mark that’s gonna last for days. 

Final Thought 

And so, you’ve come to the end of my article on biting during sex. I hope I’ve managed to clarify some stuff for you regarding this very sexy light BDSM practice.  Whether it’s lightly grazing your partner’s skin or taking a full juicy bite and leaving an even juicer mark, sexual biting is here to stay. Pain and pleasure are often intertwined during sex, and biting is just one of a number of other sex practices related to these two sensations.  You can use sexual biting for both foreplay and sex itself. I mean, you’ve already got what it takes – a set of lips, a pair of teeth and a jaw, and you’re good to go!