Longer and stronger orgasms are the holy grail of sex. So it’s no wonder a lot has been said about it in the online community. From cock rings to Kegel exercises for men, there’s been a lot of useful advice on achieving better orgasms. But what about edging? Have you ever heard about it? And what about orgasm control?
Yep, the art of delaying orgasms – or commonly called edging is actually astonishingly effective in making orgasms feel 10 times better, and possibly more.
Besides, edging can be pretty helpful in alleviating issues with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. If you’re specifically interested in knowing more about how to prevent PE (premature ejaculation), feel free to check out my article on the topic.
I have to say, from what I’ve read so far in articles about sex and orgasm (and I’ve read A LOT), edging is kinda understated, and sometimes even a bit overlooked. I have a whole article on how to last longer in bed, where I’ve also written a little about edging.
However, after a while, I thought to myself that this topic needs its due attention and a whole article on its own where I get to explore it. So here it is, I’m finally writing about edging!
What is edging?
Okay, before I begin writing about how to effectively practice edging and orgasm control, I want to first define the term, so we’re all clear on what it actually means.
As I mentioned earlier, edging is about delaying orgasms. It’s a sexual practice or technique with which you postpone or delay your upcoming orgasm by stopping the simulation you’re doing on you and/or your partner’s genitals.
It’s called edging because you’re basically bringing yourself to the edge of an orgasm. If you have a hard time imagining, just take a look at these three steps that you can continue almost indefinitely:
- You’re doing the usual sexy time stimulation of genitals, thus bringing yourself very close to the point of reaching an orgasm, aka the edge of an orgasm.
- When you feel this, you either stop what you’re doing, aka stimulating your dong or your wife’s vulva/vagina, or change the pace or intensity, so you don’t actually orgasm.
- After you’ve calmed down a bit (but not completely lost the feeling), you can start bringing yourself or each other to the edge again.
And that’s it! This can go on and on, on and on, steps 1-2-3, 1-2-3, as much as you want!
So by actually denying yourself an orgasm once or a couple of times, you get to have a huge, massive one at the end that’s gonna feel like forever! Amazing right?
Why is edging good? Why should you practice edging?
Well, besides the fact that edging can bring on intense orgasms for a lot of people out there, it can also help with sexual dysfunctions, such as PE (premature ejaculation) and troubles with maintaining an erection.
Also, edging, maybe even paradoxically you might say, can take your mind off the sole goal of reaching orgasm and actually prompt you to connect with your partner on a more emotional and intimate level. If you were on the lookout for more intimacy in your sex life, then I’d definitely recommend you try edging.
That being said, edging is sometimes connected with the term “mindfulness”. You’ve probably heard this term or read about a number of times by now since it’s been quite the buzzword online. It basically describes the feeling and practices that make you more aware of existing now, in the moment, which is also supposed to help alleviate anxiety and stress.
And I think edging can really help you do that. This is because by doing it you’re sort of showing your body its full potential of expressing sexual intensity, arousal, and pleasure. The delaying of the ultimate gratification also acts on our psyches, and we all know sex and the brain are connected in a number of ways. Edging enables you a way to tell your body and your mind to focus on pleasure in real-time, as it’s happening in the moment, rather than focus solely on achieving that orgasm.
So, as you can see, edging can be good for sex anxiety as well, and people who find it harder to focus during sex for a number of reasons.
How Can You Practice Edging on Your Own and Achieve Control Over Your Orgasm?
Well, yes, here’s the million-dollar question, right? How can you actually do this wonderful activity and fall in love with your bodies and your orgasms all over again?!
The great thing about edging is that you can totally do it by yourself and it’s very easy to “learn”. Basically, it revolves around timing. That’s the first you have to remember.
But let’s look at the details, shall we? Let’s see how you can do edging on your own and take control of your orgasm!
How to Practice Edging?
As I said, edging is really easy to do and it only requires a couple of steps. You can do it by yourself when you’re masturbating or when you’re with your partner having sex.
Edging when you’re masturbating
1 – Think of a subjective arousal scale from 1-5 or 1-7 or 1-10, the choice is yours. For the sake of this example, I’ll choose the one that’s from 1-10. And don’t worry – the more you practice, the better sense you’ll develop about your own scale of arousal.
2 – Start masturbating!
3 – Okay, so now it’s time for edging! Assess the moment where you’re about to orgasm (I guess that would be level 9 or 9.5). You know, the point of no return, as some may say. After you just about reach this point, just stop. You can either stop masturbating or change the direction or the pace of masturbation, whatever you like.
4 – Try to cool off and get to level 5.
5 – Start masturbating again! This time, try to reach level 8.
6 – Repeat the cycle of stopping and get to level 6 where you will cool off once more.
7 – When you start masturbating again, go to level 9 again, and then cool off to level 7.
8 – And then the next time, try to get to level 9.5, the very edge from where you can still return from your orgasm. And then cool down again to level 7 or 8.
9 – And start this cycle all over again!
Try doing this for about 10 minutes and gradually increase the time to about 30 minutes. You can even cross the threshold of 30 minutes, it’s up to you whether you can!
And when you actually get to that much-desired orgasm, you’ll notice the difference, trust me!
Edging with a partner
The great thing about edging is that it can also be done with a sex partner. You can practice it in a variety of ways.
You can, for example, talk together about how you want to work on having longer orgasms, or on any sexual performance anxiety, or sexual dysfunction issues you may be having, and ask your wife/partner to help you in the matter. Approach her with a set of exercises or activities you can do.
I mean, you can start with the easiest – a hand job. Or oral sex! You can also do it by having regular, penetrative sex. You can do it slowly, for example, and when you feel you’re about to come, pull out and start something else. Mix it up! Try oral, and then penetration, then a handjob, then penetration again, and so on. Include very small pauses if you must, it’s okay. Trying different sex positions or prolonged foreplay is another great idea.
If you’re fresh out of ideas about this stuff, make sure to check out these 8 ways to spice up missionary sex!
Don’t fuss if you find it a bit difficult to focus on edging the first couple of times
Now, when you’re with a partner, I understand that it’s harder to concentrate on that darn arousal scale. But that’s ok. Try to do the best you can, and try to do it each time better. Even if you don’t succeed in holding yourself back in the beginning, don’t get discouraged.
Do some Kegel exercises
You can also gain better control of your orgasms and curb your PE by doing special Kegel exercises in order to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.
Just so I don’t repeat myself, you can take a look at Kegel Exercises for Men, a whole article I did on the topic. I strongly suggest you read it because it can be of immense help, even if you don’t have any sexual dysfunction – do it just for the sake of better orgasms!
How Can You Help Your Partner/Wife Achieve a Better Orgasm Through Edging?
Edging isn’t only reserved for men. Women can also reap the benefits of edging. For women, edging can be a great way to strengthen their sexual self-confidence and awareness of their own bodies. You remember that talk about edging and mindfulness, right? Well, it applies to both men and women!
With edging, women can also get to respect and admire their orgasms even more and get to know the power of their bodies. They may even get to experience multiple orgasms if they haven’t so far… I mean why not, right?
And, of course, edging can be a great way to just connect with your partner. It’s another opportunity to communicate to your partner what it is that you like about sex, where you like to be touched, and how. It also allows partners to experiment because they sometimes have to come up with different sex positions or sex acts when they’re doing the delaying.
That being said, let’s take a look at how you can help your partner or your wife achieve a better orgasm through edging!
Edging through clitoral stimulation
The awesome clitoris is a great place to start from when you’re practicing edging your wife. Of course, all of this has to be done in accordance with her, to make sure she enjoys it and wants to try it.
Just try to follow her sounds, her grimaces, as well her physical reactions – her muscle twitches, her body movements. All of that counts.
Okay, so I suggest you start with some lube because if your wife is not sufficiently aroused, it’s quite possible that she won’t be very wet. And even if she is quite aroused, that also isn’t always a guarantee of wetness. So spare her the pain, discomfort, and unnecessary friction and put some lube on those fingers!
Lubes come in all shapes and sizes. You can always go the extra mile and try a CBD lube, like the Spark spray, for example.
After that, get to strokin’ that wonderful vulva. At first, move your fingers gently over her clitoris and the vulva (major and minor lips).
Discuss with your wife how she likes her clit to be touched
Now, every woman is different when it comes to clitoral stimulation. Some prefer lighter strokes and slow motions, some the very opposite. Also, some like more pressure, and some less. This is because the clitoris is quite sensitive and if you’re going hard on it, it’s very likely that it’ll hurt and it’s not gonna be very pleasurable.
Besides, some days it’s more sensitive and some less, it’s kinda fickle that way. So, evolve a habit, if you haven’t so far, where you ask your wife how she likes to be stroked and the amount of pressure she wants you to use on her clit.
Try side to side motions, or circular motions with your fingers, try different paces – slow, fast, medium, whatever goes. Experiment if you have to, but get to the preferred movements and pressure by all means!
I also suggest you put a little pressure on the top of the clitoris and the pubic mound, the place above the vulva covered in hair and skin that covers the frontal part of the pubic bone. Putting pressure on it can be very arousing for some women.
And now, when you actually bring her very, very close to having an orgasm – stop. Or change the pace or pressure or movements, since the abrupt change of the movement that brought them close to ultimate pleasure can also help them cool off for a bit. Or, just take a very small break and then start all over again, slowly.
Stimulate other body parts as well
You can also complement clitoral stimulation with stimulation of other body parts. Try playing with her nipples – bite them, suck on them, kiss them, lick them… Or try to bite her! Biting can be very arousing for some people and it has that BDSM edge you’ve been craving for all this time.
You can also mix clitoral stimulation with oral sex. Use one or the other when she needs to cool off, it can work perfectly, trust me.
Use foreplay as a form of edging
Foreplay can be a great way to practice edging because you can easily get aroused in the process, and there are so many ways you can do it! Dirty talk, parts of sexual roleplay, lots and lots of kissing, oral sex…
Edging through penetration or by using sex toys
As I said, edging can be done in a lot of ways. What you basically need is the start and stop method, and that’s it.
If you want to do it through penetration, again put on some lube, and then start with slower thrusting, then gradually get faster at it and go deeper if you can. And when you feel you or her are close enough to orgasm, stop and change positions or try a different activity. You know the drill by now.
The same goes for using sex toys – a vibrator or a magic wand.
Edging through stimulation of the G-spot
You can do this by using your fingers, your penis, or a sex toy, anything goes. Basically stimulating the G-spot requires more pressure, since you need to press on the upper vaginal wall, 2-5 inches inside the vagina, so you can get to that desired area.
Finding her G-spot will also require a lot of tracking of your partner’s response during sex. So don’t forget to do that here as well.
Here you can also start with slower thrusting or fingering and then move up towards a faster one, while you also apply more pressure and as you go deeper. When she gets really close to an orgasm, stop the activity, make a small pause, or try something else.
I mean even if you don’t find the G-spot, just the sheer excitement of its quest can really get your engines running!
For more info on the G-spot, I recommend you check out my aptly named article The G-Spot Explained.
You can also use edging as a part of a BDSM power play strategy
Yep, edging can also be used in BDSM, which makes it all the more fun and naughty! Edging can be utilized as a very erotic power play by couples who really like to explore these kinds of sex dynamics.
You can do this by timing yours and your partner’s orgasm, by practicing orgasm denial. Tell your wife that she can only come when you allow it. Or, have her do that to you if you’re the one who likes to be submissive. You can tell her she’s only allowed to come if she does certain acts for you, or if she says certain words. This can be very erotic for some couples, especially ones that want to fully submit to the will of the other during sex.
FAQ on Edging and Orgasm Control
Cause I’m a good guy and want to bring the wonders of sex closer to home for everybody out there, I also included a FAQ – a frequently asked questions section in this article for questions I found people often posed on Google.
Why should they get dispersed throughout the virtual space of the search engines when I can put the ones important to people right here in this article?
Yeah, you’re welcome.
And, here goes!
Is edging bad?
The answer is no. Edging isn’t bad and can’t harm your body, or your genitals, or your sex drive. Quite the contrary, actually. By practicing edging you get to have better control over your orgasms, for one. You also get to prolong your orgasms and it can even help you with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction.
Are there any side-effects to edging?
I guess the only possible side-effect connected to edging is the way you relate to this sex practice.
Edging or deliberately delaying your orgasms can create a state of higher arousal for a longer amount of time. That’s a fact. And the problem is – some people may become obsessed with creating and sustaining this feeling as much as possible. So it can become a sort of obsession in your sex life. It can potentially lead to disproportionate sexual satisfaction between you and your partner as well as conflict and dissatisfaction in the relationship. This is, of course, not something that comes out naturally from edging. However, it is something you need to pay attention to if you notice it developing in your relationship once you start practicing it.
Edgeplay and edging – is there a difference and what is it?
Yep, there is a difference. Edge-play is a term from BDSM and it describes the practice of bringing someone to their edge in a psychological or physical way. It entails more complex ways to take someone to their psychological or physical edge. Often, it includes very intense, taboo, and sometimes even violent practices that are considered erotic in that particular context.
It can be done in any number of ways. It depends a lot on the individual in question, on their sexual preferences, their emotional states, etc. Examples of edgeplay are: erotic asphyxiation or breath play (its function is to restrict the oxygen supply), fear play that uses the release of adrenaline as a way to become aroused, which may include consensually cutting oneself or others, gun play, etc.
Is edging good for ED (erectile dysfunction)?
Yep, edging is definitely good if you’re struggling with erectile dysfunction. Edging promotes blood flow in your sexual organs and makes the muscles work harder. This means that with every next session you’ll get better and better at keeping in check your troubles with erection.
And it works even greater when it’s coupled with pelvic floor muscle exercises, aka Kegel exercises for men. But you can read more about that in my article on How to Last Longer in Bed.
Is edging without ejaculating bad? Can you get “blue balls” from edging too much?
There’s a common misconception that if you don’t come after you feel you’re approaching an orgasm, you’ll get “blue balls” or another type of genital disorder. What the heck are blue balls? Blue balls (Epididymal hypertension) is a temporary condition where your testicles become congested with fluid and they get a bluish tinge, accompanied by pain.
If you’re a generally healthy male, and you do get to orgasm eventually, then there’s definitely no harm in not ejaculating sometimes. And you can’t get blue balls from edging. You can get them from delayed ejaculation (I pointed out how that’s a different thing from edging) and also from inhibited ejaculation.
Besides, “blue balls” isn’t a serious condition and it’s totally treatable. You can either use the Valsalva maneuver, which means you’ll need to close your nose with your fingers and then exhale. You know, the thing you do when you get to a high altitude and your ears become weird.
Or you can just try and orgasm, which might be a tad difficult if you’re experiencing issues with your orgasm. In this case it’s a good idea to ask for professional help. You can talk to a therapist or a urologist, or another medical professional that’ll know what to do about it. Or, you can read my article on How to Enjoy Sex Without an Orgasm.
Will edging increase load size?
The answer is probably yes. If you practice edging on yourself, or if your partner does it to you, there are some big chances you’ll notice an increase in your semen load size or semen volume.
This, however, doesn’t mean that you’ll produce more sperm, but you will produce more of the so-called “filler” fluid, like the stuff that comes out of the prostate and the seminal vesicles.
Can you get ‘backed up’ if you edge too much?
The answer is definitely no. Edging can’t cause a blockage of semen in your body, for the simple reason that once you do climax after edging, all the semen that was produced will be ejaculated properly.
And if you don’t ejaculate, your body will just use the “leftover” semen and sort of recycle it and break it down.
And what about retrograde ejaculation?
Again, no. Edging can’t cause a condition called retrograde ejaculation, where your semen goes into your bladder instead of going out through the urethra. Also called dry orgasms (because very little or no semen is ejaculated), this condition isn’t painful nor dangerous per se, although it may be caused by diabetes and multiple sclerosis, or an injury. It may cause infertility in some men so it’s worth checking out if you and your partner are trying to conceive or if you think something else is causing it.
How can I control my climax during sex?
Well, there are a couple of things you can do to achieve orgasm control.
One of them is, of course, edging itself – and a variety of it called the stop-start and squeeze technique I talked about more elaborately above.
Another thing that can help are long sessions of foreplay before you actually engage in intercourse.
There’s also a thing called “climax-control condom”. Yep, it exists. These are condoms that are usually lined with a lubricating substance that also acts as a light, local anesthetic, and are there to help you curb your premature ejaculation problem.
You can also try and add a topical anesthetic to your penis 10 or 15 minutes before sex or use premature ejaculation wipes. These are precisely that – wipes with which you wipe your penis, and they also contain an anesthetic as a means to control your PE.
Masturbation before sex can also help, as can certain medications.
Is edging the same thing as delayed ejaculation?
I know the terms can be easily mixed, but they’re actually very different.
Edging is an activity you have control over, it’s a purposeful act of delaying orgasms. But delayed ejaculation is considered a medical condition (also called anorgasmia). It’s a condition in which a man either can’t ejaculate at all, or it takes him more than 30 minutes of penis stimulation so he can orgasm.
Don’t worry though. Delayed ejaculation (or also called DE) is not uncommon, and lots of people will experience it at one point in their life.
DE can be caused by a lot of things. Stress and mental health concerns often play a large role, but other physical ailments such as chronic illnesses, surgery, or medications can also be the culprit. And, it’s highly treatable so it’s not something you have to fear never going away.
What is the stop and squeeze method? Is it the same as edging?
The stop and squeeze method or stop-squeeze technique is a part of edging. It’s called this way because it describes the act where you kinda reach the very point when you’re just about to orgasm and then squeeze the shaft of your penis, putting it between your thumb and forefinger, so you prevent yourself from ejaculating.
Final Thoughts on Edging and Orgasm Control
Well, folks, I hope I managed to properly initiate you into the world and secrets of edging. As you were able to see, on the one hand, it’s pretty easy to do since it only requires a couple of “start and stop” steps that you need to take. However, on the other hand, it also takes a bit of mental strength, and can be hard work for some because you’ll be tempted (more than once!) to just simply come, right?
Be mindful, though, not to do it by force if your partner’s not into it. Don’t try to delay her pleasure just because it’s good for you or you’ve become really interested in doing it over and over again. Always communicate about this stuff and remember that sex isn’t only about achieving orgasms. I also advise you to discuss how long you wanna do the edging during sex (aka timing). This is because, for one of the partners, edging might get too boring or simply frustrating to bear if it continues for too long.
If you notice that you can’t ejaculate when you want to, then I suggest you go see a medical professional or a therapist and ask for advice or proper treatment.
Be that as it may, edging is something I recommend all guys and gals to try at least once in their sex lives. It’s not just about prolonging orgasms, pleasure, or having more control over them – it’s actually a lot of fun, especially if you’re gonna do it with your partner/wife and she’s also into it.
And, you’re bound to get immediate results… So what’s not to like?