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How to Flirt With Your Wife and Make Her Feel Desired Again

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Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

Many married men enjoyed flirting once. Others, especially if they were shyer, dreaded the idea but knew they had to do it one way or another in order to approach the girl they wanted. 

But flirting is generally a fun thing to do, in spite of all the ways you could possibly embarrass yourself. Hint: these attempts make for one charming dinner story once you do end up together, even after all the silliness. 

But that’s the thing! Flirting is silly, it’s playful, and because of that, it’s fun! And, it’s unpredictable, which is why it’s also so alluring, as well as apprehensive at the same time. 

When I think about it, it just breaks my heart that people stop doing this once they commit and enter a serious, long-term relationship, or once they get married and settle down. Why shouldn’t you flirt with your wife even when you’re married?

Marriage Needs Constant Work 

Sure, settling down is nice. You’re most likely doing it with the love of your life. You have the woman of your dreams by your side, presumably, till death do you part… But even in this happily ever after scenario, it doesn’t have to mean that it’s going to be sunshine and roses all the way through.

Even till the end of your days, you still need to work on your marriage, keep it fresh and vibrant, keep it alive, and keep it exciting. It all bounces back to your love life, and a happy and successful marriage definitely requires a good sex life. 

You can do this by going over the basics of what desire actually means for a long term relationship, or you can try using the magic of sexual fantasies and implement some of them in the bedroom. 

Re-learning how to flirt with your wife can definitely be one of the strategies for spicing up your love life. And that’s exactly what we’ll talk about in this article. 

So, in order to learn how to flirt with your wife (yet again!), you will need to re-discover your playful, but also your affectionate side, and you can even throw in a bit of naughtiness and mischievousness along the way! 

How to Flirt With Your Wife

Here I’m going to give you a variety of tips that’ll help you flirt with your wife and make her feel more desirable! 

And don’t forget to make a habit of it! 

Compliments Go a Long Way 

Compliments are a flirtation classic. If there ever was a flirtation hall of fame or a museum of sorts, compliments would definitely take center stage. That’s because they’re so simple to do, yet their effects are very powerful. 

And you simply can’t go wrong with a compliment! 

Whether it’s a new haircut or a new way your wife has pulled her hair that day… whether it’s a new piece of clothing – a new jacket, some nice pair of jeans or a skirt, a sexy shirt, a super-tasty meal she’s prepared for you and/or the whole family… Even what might seem a tiny thing, but one that you somehow find peculiar and enticing… Just say it, a good word has never hurt anybody. 

The only catch is – you have to mean it. Women can notice when a compliment is being given insincerely, and it’ll just make the whole endeavor counter-productive. I mean, nobody wants to be flattered just for the sake of it – where’s the fun in that? 

When you’re giving her compliments, try to look her in the eyes and if you can – hold her hand as well. Touch gives weight to every word and makes the experience more memorable, the flirting more of an edge.  

… and do it everywhere!

Don’t wait for the perfect time or place to flirt with your wife. Do it everywhere and anywhere – do it in the bedroom, do it outside, do it when you’re both alone, do it at a party, do it in front of your friends, or strangers – just do it! 

This will make your wife feel desired and wanted, it will make her feel like she’s the most important woman in the room and it will definitely raise her self esteem. 

Text Her. Often. 

Nowadays, we’re all spending too much time on our phones as it is, so why not use it for a good cause? 

Bet you didn’t think of that the last 20 times you picked your phone up while at work. But seriously, using texting as a way to flirt with your wife is definitely one of the ways to show appreciation because it shows how you’re thinking about her even when you’re apart. 

So, you wonder how to flirt with your wife over text? Well, you can try and do the following: 

  • Send messages at random intervals – I think when it comes to texting, it’s a good idea to keep it spontaneous and unexpected. When it’s unanticipated, the flirting becomes more fun and it has a bigger effect. 
  • Sext! – why don’t you try to level up on your texting and make it a bit naughty? Send your wife a steamy SMS or text her on Viber, WhatsUp, Instagram, or Messenger, and tell her all the things you want to do to her when you get home. This also helps build anticipation, so it’s super effective for your sex life. 

Don’t Forget to Touch Her. Also Often. 

People who have been married for a longer time also forget how important touch can be in a relationship. They can spend hours together, in such close proximity to each other, and still forget to touch. 

Well, it’s time to bring touch back into the game. I can’t even begin to list why touch is so important for us people, hell, for animals of any kind as well! 

The benefits are endless: from boosting the immune system to making us more compassionate beings, touch is essential to our relationship’s wellbeing. Touch means support, and it’s as beneficial and important for the giver as it is for the receiver as well. 

Dacher Keltner, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, gives an insight into primate behavior (our closest animal neighbors, genetically speaking) – they touch 10 to 20% of their day grooming each other! 

That’s why I encourage you to think of this the next time you find yourself around your partner for a longer amount of time without touching each other. Once you do remember, you can also remember to try holding her hand more often – both when you’re in the house and outside of it as well. You can give her massages, hug her more often, rub her back or her feet, put your arm around her when you’re watching TV, brush her shoulder with your fingers… 

It’s quite simple really – touch signalizes the desire to make a connection, a literal one, and that’s pretty darn sexy if you ask me. 

Use Eye Contact and Other Types of Non-Verbal Flirt 

There are other ways to communicate the love and desire you feel for your wife without necessarily touching her. 

You can do this by using eye contact, which is another centerpiece in the flirtation hall of fame alongside compliments – a true wingman that rarely lets you down. Try eyeing your lady when you’re (both) dressing up in the morning, when you’re having breakfast, or getting ready for bed – that’ll tell her that you have something more than just sleeping on your mind! 

Another thing is to take care of yourself too. Put on some new cologne/perfume, or stock up on old and spent reserves.

Smile more often, wink, and use different types of facial expressions that you feel can adequately convey your flirtatious feelings and desire for your wife. 

Do Date Nights

If you haven’t already signed up for the married “date nights” wagon, then I strongly suggest you do now. Date nights have long been utilized for spending more time between busy spouses, and there’s even a magic number of success around it – the average of date nights that has shown to be the most successful in married couples is actually once a month. 

This gives you just enough time to do everything around the house without feeling guilty about it, and also to find a babysitter in time if you have kids. 

To spice up these date nights, you can:

  • try to do new things (when you both feel like it); 
  • you can also try to change locations, 
  • try out different restaurants, 
  • or visit the cinema or the theater. 
  • You can also even go dancing or visit a concert, whatever’s up your alley! 

Trust me, it’ll bring that exciting feeling of mutual chemistry you took for granted in the early days of your relationship. 

Surprise Her 

Flirt with your wife by surprising her from time to time – it doesn’t have to be every day!

As I said earlier, flirting is about anticipation, play, unpredictability, things that have to do with novelty and freshness. This is what desire is based on as well. 

And the great thing about surprises is the list is practically endless! You can try getting her some interesting gifts, for example – stuff she’s been wanting to have for a while now but didn’t find the time or energy to get them (note: this requires a bit of research). You can also both try surprising each other with date nights – each of you gets to plan the next date night and the other can’t know anything about it. 

Whether it’s taking a day off work to spend more time with her, or a surprise weekend trip, it’s all about creating and maintaining the feeling of mystery which is the fuel of desire. It’s also a sign that you’ve committed a great deal of your time and energy into crafting it and that you truly care about her. 

Try Doing New Things Together

This is another set of activities that relies on novelty and unpredictability. You used to do this a lot in the early days, right? So why not return to it and use its rejuvenating power for the sake of your marriage?

And when I say do new things together, I mean both in and out of the bedroom. Try new sexual positions, try using sex toys, or get into kink, whatever goes. 

Also, try traveling to places you’ve never been before, places that haven’t been on your primary list to visit. Sign up for classes together, something you absolutely have no knowledge of – for example, if you both work in finance, and have always been keen on literature, why not go to creative writing classes together? 

Or you can have a day of the week where you always try a different type of cuisine and cook together. There are plenty of options out there, and it’s a pity not to use them! 

Respond to Her 

Being responsive is part of being a good communicator, and being a good communicator is essential for being a good husband. It’s as simple as that. 

What I mean when I say respond to her, is that you need to be responsive towards the things your wife communicates to you. You need to be more in tune with her, listen to her, validate her opinions and needs, as well as her remarks. A little understanding goes a long way. 

So, what you can do is try to get your wife’s attention during the day. Whether you want to tell her about your day, or just unwind together through a light conversation, whether you want to talk about something that interests you or your feelings, emotions, and fantasies, it’s all a sign of trying to feel more connected, of trying to convey feelings of attachment, affection, and intimacy. 

And the same goes when your wife does this – don’t cut her out when she’s trying to get your attention, but respond to it, be present, and also encourage her to talk about things. This is also a way to flirt. 

Talk About Your Love Life More 

Talking about your sex life can also be sexy in itself. This can include sharing fantasies or things you like in the bedroom, sharing desires and suggestions for trying out something new, and even sharing so-called “sex memories” of your own coupledom/marriage, that you might even try to re-live. 

Don’t be afraid if it sounds a bit silly or awkward at times. It’s perfectly normal when it comes to talking about sex – nobody was born with the perfect rhetoric around it. 

Go to Bed at the Same Time 

A common mistake couples make when they’re together for a long time is that they stop going to bed together. This can be a major blow to their intimacy, to their sexual routine, and to their libidos. 

I understand that sometimes obligations make this an impossible feat, but I urge you to try to do it as often as possible and just put in the effort to finish everything you need to do before your wife goes to bed and suggest you go to bed together. If you haven’t done this in a long time, she’ll be surprised, but very glad things have finally turned around again. 

Kiss and Cuddle Often 

Kissing is appropriate for every time of the day. Whether you’re going to work in the morning, or coming back in the evening, whether you’re going to bed or rising from it as the sun lands on both of your faces, while you’re in the middle of foreplay, or in the very act of having sex – don’t forget to kiss. 

Kissing is a very intimate thing and it can mean the world for your relationship! 

The same goes for cuddling. Cuddling and hugging are also great communication acts – a two-way channel that connects people and makes them less anxious, while also boosting their self-esteem and making them feel less lonely. 

Final Thoughts on How to Flirt With Your Wife

If you want to start flirting right away, and show your wife you really care about her, I suggest you try out the tips and suggestions compiled in this list. 

There are plenty more things to try, of course – the ways in which you can show affection and desire for your wife are endless, and they’re less of a formula to follow, and more a set of activities individual to every person that you should implement in your life and do them as often as you can. 

What I mean to say is you should do what feels comfortable for both of you. And if you come up with other, different ways of showing affection towards your wife and flirting with her that work for the both of you, then, by all means, go for them! 

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