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How to Get Your Wife to Have Sex With You

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Photo by We-Vibe WOW Tech on Unsplash

A very interesting statistic says that married people actually have more sex than unmarried ones. The numbers say about 6.9 times more, to be precise, which is not at negligible! But this is not surprising. Generally speaking, married people tend to be content with their love lives for a variety of reasons. So, if you wonder how to get your wife to have sex with you, the answer shouldn’t be that hard, should it?

First of all, you’ve got somebody by your side at all times. When you’re both at home and you’re willing, you can do it whenever and however many times you want! 

Another reason is the emotional attachment. This includes the trust, the respect that married people often exhibit towards one another that adds to good performance in the sack. 

Don’t Forget About Quality As Well!

And, it’s not just about the frequency of the act. It’s also about the intensity, the satisfaction you get from your partner, rather than the number of times you do it per week. What’s more, according to a survey made by Durex, 90% of people think that sex gets better over time!

But, having too little sex is what brought you to this article. Which is why I’m here to help and give you some advice on how to get back on track. And that’s also the reason why I’ve provided you with these encouraging and positive statistics at the beginning of it. 

Truth is, married people often get too comfortable with each other. They often get lost in the sense of security and comfort they provide for one another. Hence, they also tend to forsake the sense of sexual anticipation, mystery, and pleasure derived from being a bit more unpredictable and adventurous in the sack than usual.  

So, let’s get to the real deal and look at all the ways you can become a better husband. I want to share with you the ways you can show extra attention to your significant other. The ultimate goal, of course, being – to wake up the desire in them that’s been there all along! 

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Communication is the key to a well-maintained marriage full of satisfaction. Let’s take a look at all the things that contribute to an honest and loving long-term relationship. Talking to your partner about your feelings is one, for sure. Sharing details from your daily life, your job and your side interests, is another. But so is talking about the things you have in common as well as the interests that might differ .

And so, why shouldn’t the same thing be valid when it comes to the question of sex and sexual intimacy, huh? 

Besides, when I say communication I don’t exclusively mean verbal communication. There’s also the other type, the non-verbal one, which is equally important but often unfairly neglected or forgotten. This includes physical touche and various daily and occasional gestures. It includes thoughtful things you do for your wife that show your affection and desire for her. 

But when you come to realize you find your sex life with your wife unsatisfying, then it’s definitely time for some honest face-to-face conversation. You might be at different places in your life at the moment, and in need of different things and signs of attention. But without communicating this, how are you both supposed to know? Nobody can read minds! Even couples who’ve been together for ages and who seem to know every bit about one another can’t do this.  

Also, don’t stop at one conversation. You’ll probably find yourself in multiple situations where you will have to communicate your thoughts on something. The same goes for your desires and needs, and your concerns about why things are a certain way at the moment. But, another thing you have to remember is to also listen to your wife. Listen to what she has to say during these conversations This will give you easy access to her perspective on the whole sex thing as well. 

Sex and Stigma

Now, I also realize that for some couples, talking openly about sex might still be a taboo. Or it might’ve also become one over the years. This depends on a lot of things, among them the age range, their cultural backgrounds, their individual characters, etc.

If you’re one of those couples, or you are one of those men, then I’d definitely advise you to try and cross that mental barrier. Nobody can carry out that particular conversion for you, and you’ll only get more frustrated as time goes by. 

Sex in long-term relationships is rarely as spontaneous as it might’ve been in the beginning. But that doesn’t mean it will be less good or less valuable for your relationship. On the contrary – sex might change, evolve, and vary as your marriage does. But that’s perfectly normal and it often means it will get better over time. What’s important is that you’re both committed to working on this issue together. Only them I’ll be pretty sure it’s going to be solved in a record amount of time! 

… Or Talk to a Professional 

If you see that talking with your wife about your sex life doesn’t really do the trick, then you might want to consider talking to a couples therapist or sex therapist. 

These professionals have a lot of experience with couples and their love lives. Their presence can be very liberating if you’re experiencing feelings of shame or other insecurities relating to sex. They can also help both of you to communicate more clearly your needs, desires, and your boundaries in the sack. 

But what if my wife doesn’t want to go to couples therapy or a sex therapist, you might ask yourself? Well, then you can go by yourself! If your wife is hard-headed or reluctant, unwilling or persistently doesn’t believe in its effectiveness, then you should definitely go on your own. At the very least it will benefit your personal growth and help you develop a clearer view of what it is you really want out of your relationship. 

Make Your Wife Feel Sexy and Desired

As I mentioned earlier, marriage itself changes through time, as does sex, but so do bodies as well. You and your wife don’t look the same you did years ago – maybe you’ve gained a couple of more pounds, maybe your hair has thinned or fallen off entirely, you have more wrinkles than you care to admit – in any event, things have changed. 

So, the reason why your sex life has flailed over time might also have to do with how your wife feels about herself and her physical appearance. She just might not feel sexy for a while now. She might feel she’s not good enough or she’s failing to meet the beauty standards of her more youthful days. Well, if this is the case then it’s your job to convince her otherwise and boost her self-esteem. 

One way you can make your spouse feel sexy and special? Bring a little bit of romance back into your relationship.

Say the Right Words and Make Sure to Set the Mood 

This can be arranged in lots of ways. For example, you can start showering her with compliments. You can notice when she’s had that new haircut or when she’s dyed her hair a different shade. Another thing you can do is compliment her on her new shirt or her new trousers. You can tell her she smells nice, you can pick out the physical traits that you love most about her and give them a boost you haven’t in years – both verbal and physical. 

And don’t forget to start being more romantic. Living together doesn’t mean you should slowly say goodbye to romance. On the contrary, romantic gestures can be quite helpful, especially when you’re trying to set the mood for an exciting and steamy night ahead. You can take your wife to dinner, for example, and you can both dress up. You can get her some sexy lingerie, you can get a bit tipsy, dim the lights, light some candles… Put on some soft music you both enjoy and just let the atmosphere carry you ahead. Cliche or no cliche – trust me, it works, time and again. 

In short, always consider the fact that your significant other may feel unsexy and her self-esteem may be down. That’s why it’s important for you to remind them that, in fact, they’re still very much desired and sexy. Even if your bodies have changed with time, it doesn’t mean you still can’t enjoy sex and can’t find each other attractive or beautiful. 

… But Don’t Forget About Yourself, Either

And what if you yourself haven’t been feeling sexy or desired for a while now? This is something that also might’ve had a role in your hindered sex life. 

If you don’t feel right about your body it becomes increasingly difficult to have a satisfying sex life. You might find yourself having performance anxiety, feeling distracted or unfocused during sex. Your libido might be low, and a host of other uncomfortable feelings and situations might ensue as a result. 

So you need to take care of yourself, as well. Do the things that make you happy and that enhance your self-image. Exercise, start a diet, eat healthily, or just plain and simple work on accepting yourself and the way you look. Be happy about it, because confidence is super-sexy! Communicate this with your wife as well. You’ll see that you’ve been too hard on yourself and that nobody can look perfect under the sheets. And I mean n o b o d y. 

Bring Foreplay Back In the Game 

Foreplay is a must if you truly want to rejuvenate your sex life. Foreplay can bring out the best of making love because it builds towards that super-sexy feeling of anticipation of the sexual act. 

And, it’s versatile, it’s gentle, it’s rough – it can be so many things at once. It offers you plenty of activities to choose from that can help you enhance desire and build towards the climaxing act of great sex. 

Be responsive 

Responsiveness and responsive desire is one word that often gets related to desire in marriages and long-term relationships. This is because it has to do with responding to physical stimulation. It’s unrealistic to expect to just see your partner and get immediately aroused. It’s also unrealistic to expect them to get immediately aroused just because you are.  

Foreplay plays a big role when it comes to responsive desire precisely because it’s a series of acts that are supposed to arouse your partner and get them ready for sex. Interestingly enough, some people find foreplay even more enticing and fun than the basic sexual act itself.  

Besides, foreplay doesn’t necessarily begin just before sex

It can be a lot of things and it can be initiated at any time of the day. You can do it as a subtle (and not so subtle) announcement of what’s going to follow later in the day, or perhaps the next day. Just give yourself space and freedom to be flirty and playful with your wife. Surprise her with affectionate acts that she might or might not have seen in a while. 

It’s a vast field of activities!

And another great thing about foreplay is that the boundaries between it and sex are actually kinda loose. So anything from gentle touches and caresses, kissing, to oral sex, fingering and genital stimulation can be considered both as foreplay but also as sex. 

And the best thing is it helps ease performance anxiety

Also, if you have trouble with erection or premature ejaculation, foreplay is a great way to ease the tension and anxiety you might feel since it allows you to focus on other ways of pleasing your woman rather than the old-fashioned penetration. Penetration is, in fact, only one of the numerous ways to have sex, and there are many ways out there to have great, mind-blowing sex! 

Try New Things

Sure, sex is about responsiveness, but it’s also about invention and reinvention, which means it leaves a lot of space for trying out new things. 

And you’re lucky! Nowadays we live in a much more open world. Attitudes towards sexuality and experimentation have changed significantly for the better. Also, you’ve got plenty of items to choose from that are bound to help you out in this endeavor! 

Again, you should communicate this with your wife to see what each one of you would like to try out, although it would also be nice if you surprise her with a new move or a new toy in the bedroom.  

Both of you can also try to be a bit more kinky – you can try BDSM play and techniques, if that’s something you’re both into. 

Never forget, though, that it’s important for both of you to already have an idea of what you like to do in the sack and build upon it. 

This will have a double effect: it will give you the necessary confidence and security when it comes to the always delicate question of sex, and will also enrich the experience with a dash of adventure, novelty, and anticipation, which is pretty much the magic formula for rejuvenating your sex life. 

And exploration is the key term here. Make it fun and exciting by doing it together and always give each other feedback on the matter. 

For more practical tips on foreplay, you can check out my special article on how to improve your sex life in marriage. 

… A Little Kinkiness Never Hurt Anybody (Except When it Did and It Was Part of the Game) 

If your wife is more conservative about kinky experiments in the bedroom, then it’s best to approach her when she’s not overwhelmed from stress and when she’s generally more relaxed. It’s also a good idea to set a particular hour to talk about it; try to answer most of the questions she might have. This enhances the chance for her to consider the idea and say yes, rather than immediately reject it because of shame or self-censure. 

Also, once you decide on a new thing to try, I’d recommend you don’t go all the way the first time. This is because if you’re doing something completely new, it’s easy to get scared and discouraged if it doesn’t go according to plan. The same goes if it’s surprisingly painful or hard to do from the first try… Just give it a bit of time and practice. With the right amount of patience and work, you’ll get there! You will manage to nail your new fantasy and, trust me, it just might be one of the sexiest things you’ll ever do! 

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