Cunnilingus, at first glance, might sound like an intimidating word. So why not just consider it instead as “muff-diving”, “giving lip”, or “lip service” (my personal favorite, if I may be honest here). I mean, the real deal is how to perform cunnilingus and make your woman ecstatic with pleasure. Right?
Anyways, cunnilingus is actually a pretty simple word that describes giving oral sex to a woman, often with a focus on her clitoris, which is also the most tender and erogenous zone on the female body (counting about 8,000 sensory nerve endings).
And all jokes about its actual name aside, cunnilingus can be a pretty darn important part of your sex life, if your woman enjoys it that is. Which is why you first have to find out whether she likes it or not.
But, I’m assuming, since you’re here, that she does like her fair share of lip service and that you want to become the best man for the job.
A few words about female pleasure
If you’ve read some of my other articles here, you might already be familiar with the fact that most women can’t come from vaginal or penetrative sex alone. In fact, only about 18% are reported to be able to come from penetration only, and about 36% needed clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm.
Another study from 2016 that researched more than 52,500 adults in the US, came up with a really defeating percentage – it turns out that 95% of heterosexual men always or usually had an orgasm during sex, whereas only 65% of heterosexual women managed to do so, who are also least likely to reach orgasm from all gender and sexuality groups.
This is something that Ph.D. Laurie Mintz, a sex therapist and psychologist, who also teaches Psychology of Human Sexuality at the University of Florida, calls the “orgasm gap” or the “pleasure gap”, in her book “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How to Get It.”
Now, compare it with this
When women pleasure themselves, they’re practically equated with guys when it comes to reaching an orgasm – 94% of women and 98% of men come when they masturbate. Also, a whopping 86% of women focused solely on their outer genital area (aka the vulva) when they masturbated, and only 2% masturbated solely by penetrating themselves. The other 12% went to women who, besides stimulating their vulva along with the clitoris, were also sometimes or always penetrating themselves.
I mean, guys, this tells us a lot about how important the clitoris is for the woman and how powerful it is for giving her tons of pleasure.
And one way to bridge this orgasm gap is by practicing cunnilingus on your lady – if, of course, she’s among the majority of women that likes to have her clit pampered.
So, how can you actually do this? Why not cut to the chase and dive into it, shall we? (pun intended!)
How to Give the Best Cunnilingus
As I said earlier, cunnilingus is an activity that describes the licking of the clitoris, although it can also mean licking the other parts of the vulva. But that doesn’t tell us much, does it?
Besides, it’s actually the clitoral hood that you’re licking, rather than the whole clitoris, since the clitoris is a much bigger structure extending to the inside of the woman’s genital area.
And, cunnilingus can mean licking or sucking the clitoris but also licking and sucking the labia minora (the inner lips), as well as sticking your tongue in your lady’s vaginal opening.
I understand stuff can be confusing out there – you’re afraid you’ll actually end up boring your wife or partner to death instead of giving her the time of her life. You also might not be quite sure where or how to start your lip service.
But, there’s no reason to panic or feel confused, because here we’re going to get to the bottom of it all (also pun intended) and make you an expert in cunnilingus.
Find the Clitoris
Most of the time, the clitoris plays a central role in cunnilingus, which is why you should pay extra attention to it.
You can start by trying to locate it – aka try locating the clitoral head above the vaginal opening. The clitoral head peeks out from the clitoral hood, a piece of tissue that partially covers it.
The next step is to find out what kind of pressure, and how much of it, your partner or your wife likes to feel on it and/or on the whole outer genital area.
You can either straight up ask your lady or you can try and figure it out yourself by experimenting with your fingers and your tongue, and seeing how she reacts to it with moans, other types of sounds, and just general comments.
If you’re not sure how you can approach your partner on issues regarding sex, check out my special article on the subject of how to talk about sex with your partner.
Start Licking!
Yep, it’s that simple.
Now that you know where your partner’s clitoris is, it’s time to get lickin’ (or die tryin’)! Now, the options here are plenty – there are lots of movements you can do with your tongue and ways you can lick the clit.
Experiment with moves and pressure
You can start slow and see if your woman likes it. If she doesn’t, try licking it faster. Also, you can do it with the whole tongue, or just the tip – again, this depends on the individual preferences of the woman. You can also use the so-called “brushstroke moves” with your tongue, which usually involves a larger area of your tongue going up and down, right-left, as well as making diagonal and circular movements, similar to a painter moving their brush on the empty canvas.
You can apply very light pressure on the clitoris or press more powerfully, depending on how sensitive it is. Some women’s clitorises are extremely sensitive and even a slight increase in pressure might be too much and cause discomfort or pain. Some women feel a bit of pain even if you just touch the clitoris, while some women, on the contrary, require more pressure on it so they can reach an orgasm.
Listen to your partner
The key thing is to pay attention to your partner and listen/be vigilant for any potential instructions. A lot of times (and I’ve heard this, as well as read about it a lot on the internet) women complain that after saying that they’re enjoying the act, their partners get too excited and aroused, and start applying more pressure or going faster and/or harder for it, and the momentum gets lost. Continuity and consistency are the ‘c’-s for giving your lady a little piece of heaven in the bedroom, and cunnilingus is definitely not an exception from it.
By all means, don’t hesitate or be afraid to ask your partner what she wants, pay attention to what she says, (like “Yes, continue that” or “Faster/Slower”, or “Too hard” and so forth; breathing patterns and moans help a lot too) and also – experiment. Experiment with licking styles, with movements, and with the amount of pressure you’re putting on the area. Don’t forget that sometimes the clitoris might feel more tender than other times, and you should be extra careful on those days if your lady tells you about it.
Forget about pointing your tongue
Another mistake a lot of guys do out there is they turn their tongue into a stick. Well, that’s a big no-no.
Most women out there aren’t happy with this kind of tongue. It’s just hard on the small area of the clit and it jabs it unnecessarily.
Instead, try to flatten your tongue and use broad strokes to please your woman. Remember the brushstroke I mentioned above?
Treat your lady’s vulva like a canvas you can paint on!
Don’t Forget the Lips
What I also mentioned earlier is that the clit is not the only thing that appreciates lip service during cunnilingus. There are other parts of the vulva you can play with and that your wife/partner will also find pleasurable.
For example, you can also lick her labia minora, or the inner lips, the ones surrounding the clitoris and extending downwards towards the vaginal opening. Some women derive pleasure from the stimulation of other areas of her vulva, such as the inner lips.
You can use these lips to stimulate the clitoris as well. You can suck on them, press against them, rub or grind if your lady wants more pressure, and you can manage to stimulate the whole (or parts) of the external genital area of your lady.
Most women will still require lots of time and focus on the clit itself, but this can be a fine addition to the whole cunnilingus play and a good way to introduce some variation in the game.
Don’t Be Afraid to Use Your Hands
Hands can be another great addition to your lip service, and make up for some extra pleasure for your lady.
So, as you’re licking that clit, you can, at the same time, insert two fingers in the vagina and even try to work on that g-spot by moving your fingers with a ‘come here’ motion.
Another thing you can do with your fingers is to press the outer and inner lips (labia majora and labia minora) together and sort of knead the clitoris between your own fingers.
You can also make a V-shape (think of the Peace sign) from your index and middle finger and put the clit in between them and try squeezing it back and forth. You can also do this while you’re sucking or licking the tip of the clitoris. The pressure combined with the licking or sucking can really drive your girl wild.
Or you can also use toys…
Don’t get intimidated by sex toys – they’re not here to replace your penis, they’re simply a very creative and potentially very pleasing addition to your sexual routine.
Sex toys can do a lot of good when it comes to oral sex as well, especially because you can’t really use your penis to pleasure your lady while you’re performing cunnilingus at the same time, and because it beats using fingers only.
Discuss this with your partner – what kind of sex toy would she enjoy while she’s receiving oral sex – whether it’s a dildo, a vibrator a wand, etc.; there’s plenty of options out there that won’t interfere with your lip service.
Some Positions You Can Try for Amazing Oral Sex
Not all positions are created equal for good oral sex. The basic criteria, as you may have guessed already, for giving great cunnilingus service is to have good access to the vulva.
Also, the basic movements you can use to pleasure your lady are:
- Going all directions – up and down, left and right, and diagonally. Also, don’t forget circular movements – a lot of ladies like them as well!
- Using your tongue like a brush – be the painter of your wife’s vulva by treating it as a canvas and your tongue like a big, wide brush that needs to be spread over the whole canvas. Lick your wife’s muffin from the very top where the clitoris and clitoral hood is, and continue downwards towards the vaginal opening, and then up again.
- Experiment with the speed – you can lick the vulva and the clitoris with slow licks or you can also use fast flicks of the tongue, whatever your partner’s into.
- The rest of your head and face are important too – while you’re performing cunnilingus you can’t just stand motionless and let only your tongue do the work. You have to move your whole head so your tongue can find the right position and amount of pressure you put on the place. Also, oftentimes parts of your nose and chin will touch and grind against the vulva, which can be really hot if done correctly. For example, if you go harder against the clit, it can also stimulate the mons pubis or the mound above it – put pressure on it, and wake up the nerves there. Your chin can also put some pressure on the inner lips and even touch a little bit of the vaginal opening (also depending on your own facial anatomy).
Besides the regular old favorite of your woman lying on the bed and you putting your face in her things, let’s look at a couple of other positions you can try out for amazing cunnilingus play.
Facesitting
Personally, I find this sex position really hot for several reasons. First of all, you get a great full view of your lady sitting on top of you while her vagina is literally in your face.
Secondly, if you want to be dominated (always or sometimes) this is a great sex position for that since the person sitting on top of you pretty much has all the control.
Facesitting gives the woman a lot of control when it comes to cunnilingus, a little bit more than the regular lying position allows.
Bended Knees
This is a good position for exposing a bigger area of the vulva and the vagina. Have your woman lie on her back and bend them at the knee or have her put her legs in a V-shape, which is also great at exposing more.
From then on, you can start your cunnilingus action and also play with her thighs if she wants it!
One Leg Up
Another way to reach the desired spot is to have your woman put one leg up on your shoulder; you can also hold the leg if you want to.
Sometimes, in some women, different sides of the vulva have different thresholds of sensitivity, which is why one side can be more sensitive than the other, which also makes this kind of position very convenient.
For more sex positions, try out this site as well
I recently bumped into a very handy site when it comes to sex-related info and practical advice. You can check it out for more ideas about sex positions intended for oral sex. It can definitely provide you with some ideas you probably won’t think of by yourself, and the best thing about it is that it actually shows you how it’s done!
Final Words on How to Perform Cunnilingus
Even though it seems like I gave you a lot of information here, it’s actually pretty simple, so don’t get intimidated by what seems to be a bit of a longer article.
When it comes to cunnilingus, what’s crucial is communication – don’t forget to talk with your partner about what she wants and likes to do. After she gives you some more-or-less specific guidelines, you can proceed to actually implement them live.
Or, maybe you’re both the type that likes to get down to business right away, and learn on the spot? In either case, trying cunnilingus can be a pleasurable and enjoyable experience for both parties!
