A lot of people are intimidated by the idea of using dirty talk during sex, or as a form of foreplay. And no, it’s not because they don’t like it. It’s because they feel like they’re not good at it, or because certain phrases and words just don’t come naturally to them. They feel like they’re going to say something stupid or unsexy and ruin the moment. It’s like the ultimate verbal sex puzzle – how to talk dirty to your wife.
Well, as it turns out, it’s not as hard as it seems. Actually, it’s quite easy! All you have to do is find what works for you and your wife. Find out what words, what situations, and what images excite you and get your juices flowing, then put that in a formula, and voila! You’ve got yourself a whole arsenal of dirty talk at your disposal to serve you when the mood strikes.
And don’t worry, it’s not as rehearsed as I’ve made it seem. It’s just that if you feel like you’re not good at it, or you feel awkward or shy about doing it, a little preparation can take you a long way. After you get the hang of it, words will flow naturally and effortlessly, as if you’ve been doing dirty talk your whole life.
So buckle up, put on your reading glasses, and take some notes on how to talk dirty to your wife!
Why Is it a Good Idea to Talk Dirty to Your Wife in the First Place?
I mean, yeah, there’s plenty of ways dirty talk can go wrong. That’s why people are reluctant to try it in the first place. Why bother doing it at all, right?
Well, first of all: words can be sexy as hell. When we have sex or get aroused, it’s not just our genitals that start working by default – it’s a whole network of bodily sensations and brain processes. The brain is just as important for sex as is the rest of the body.
When you’re using dirty talk for sex and foreplay, you’re mixing fantasy and reality, and there’s nothing sexier than that, my friends.
Also, dirty talk is considered taboo in regular life. Using language and words you don’t use in other contexts in your life can be incredibly exciting.
And then there’s also the allure of the feedback loop, too. This is when you get even more turned on as you realize that your partner is getting hot from your words.
When you’re using dirty talk, you get to focus solely and exclusively on the pleasure and performance of sex. As you verbalize your fantasies and desires, or even just narrate what you’re doing, you leave no room for any intrusive thoughts that can cause anxiety or worries about looming responsibilities.
Is there a work deadline that’s really stressing you out? Well, it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a little sexy time combined with dirty talk with your significant other.
Can You Really Get Better? How do people manage to talk dirty to their wives, their partners?
Well, as it turns out, there are a couple of things you need to remember when it comes to utilizing dirty talk as an aphrodisiac.
And don’t worry, later on, in this article, I’ll also give you some real phrases, examples, and ideas that you can use in the bedroom as ready-made templates. You know, just to get you going when the going gets tough! Soon enough, you’ll be fully able to start creating your own language to turn on your wife.
How to Talk Dirty to Your Wife
Okay, now that I’ve (hopefully) convinced you to try the game of dirty talk, let’s see how you can make it better and sexier with these few tips in mind.
The Simpler, the Better
Simplicity is usually a winning principle in many aspects of our lives, and dirty talk is no exception.
In any event, you don’t need to sound like your favorite pornstar the first time you start using dirty talk with your wife.
All you need to do is just go with the flow – tell her how you feel, what comes to your mind in that particular moment. You don’t need to have a whole sex scenario in your head so you can feel comfortable getting started with the dirty talk. Plus, you don’t even need to talk all the time.
I mean, a simple “I can’t wait to see how wet you are” during foreplay can do the trick, you know?
Use the senses as a starting point
When it comes to talking dirty, it’s always a good idea to think about and pay attention to your senses. You can use literally any of the senses: “I want to smell you…”, “I want to see how excited you are when I enter you…” and so on. They are all examples of senses being used as an inspiration for dirty talk.
Also, if you’re not really comfortable with more vulgar language or profanity, don’t pressure yourself into using it. If you don’t use it often, and if your wife is not really familiar with a vulgar vocabulary, she might be a little thrown off by the new phrasing. Instead, try saving it for later use, if you still want to try it at a certain point in your sexual routine.
Keep your dirty talk playful
Make sure you keep the dirty talk playful and teasing. You can do it at any point of the day, even when you’re both at work.
That way, you’ll set the mood for the evening and show your wife what’s expecting her once she comes home.
It’s a good opportunity to create anticipation and get your partner excited hours before the actual sexual encounter happens.
For example, you can send her an email (to her private account) or an SMS where you say something like “I can’t wait to show you what I have planned for tonight…” And then you can complement it with a sexy image of like a blindfold, or handcuffs or even yourself in a sexy pose.
Try Giving Instructions
Dirty talk can be as easy as pie once you get the hang of it. There are basically two ways you can do it:
- Set the mood and build anticipation;
- Give instructions.
While some might prefer the former, this latter approach can be very sexy for others
So, what does giving instructions in dirty talk mean?. Consider this sentence:
“Once you come home from work I want you to take off all your clothes, fill the bathtub, get inside and wait for me with your legs open.”
See – you’re giving her a detailed description of what you’re thinking about and what you’re planning on doing when you meet. This gives her an active role in your fantasy, which will make her wet hours before your actual rendezvous.
Trust me, this kind of approach can be unbelievably sexy and it’s super easy to do, as you can see. All you have to do is describe, word for word, the images or scenes appearing in your head when you think about your favorite sexual encounters with your wife.
Don’t Shy Away From Talking Sex Outside the Perimeter of Your Bedroom
The math here is simple, folks: the more open you are to conversations about sex, the better and more satisfying your sex lives will be.
When it comes to dirty talk, the same logic follows. Think about it this way: if you never, or hardly ever, talk about sex with your wife, what are the chances you’re going to talk about it in bed, during sex, and foreplay? It’s not very likely that either of you two will be comfortable.
That’s why you have to break the ice if you haven’t so far, and just get into the habit of talking about sex outside of your bed.
Share your fantasies, needs, and desires. Talk about your fears and your boundaries, the grey areas, the expectations you have from each other, your plans concerning sexual experimentation, and how you could try it out… I know it’s not easy, but there are ways to ease up and go for it.
As I said earlier, people feel intimidated at the very thought of talking dirty to their partner, and a lot of the time it comes from not knowing what to say to them.
However, if you have a habit of talking about sex with your partner openly, honestly, and even explicitly, it becomes easier to engage in dirty talk.
It’s all about feeling comfortable expressing your own fantasies and embracing your partner’s fantasies, too.
Even if You “Make a Mistake”, It’s Not the End of the World
Sex is messy and oftentimes things turn out a bit different from what we’d initially expected.
That means that even if you’ve used dirty talk during sex, and your wife wasn’t as amped about it as you’d hoped, it’s no big deal. Maybe she took it wrongly, didn’t expect it, got uncomfortable, got offended, and maybe it even killed the mood for her… I know it sounds a bit scary when I say it like this, but trust me, it’s nothing that a little heart-to-heart conversation can’t fix.
If you’ve sensed that you’ve triggered your partner somehow, it’s best to bite the bullet and talk about it afterward. Being upfront and honest is always better than playing the guessing game. Always encourage each other to have those talks – they make for a long and happy marriage.
Dirty talk is all about fantasy
When it comes to conversations about dirty talk, it’s important to stress the element of fantasy. When you talk dirty to your partner, and for instance, use demeaning words that would otherwise be considered inappropriate or offensive (like “bitch”), it never means that that’s how you feel about your wife in real life.
I mean, it’s the same with the word “daddy”, isn’t it? Some guys really like being called that, and some women really like using it when they’re playing the dirty talk sex game. But it doesn’t mean that it has anything to do with incest! Instead, it’s a reference to some kind of dominant behavior, a figure of authority that a woman is referencing, and not her own father.
Don’t force your partner to engage in dirty talk if she’s not up for it
Of course, it doesn’t mean that, under the pretense of fantasy, you can get away with dirty talk that your partner simply doesn’t want to participate in. When you realize you’ve crossed a line, don’t push it any further. Listen to your partner, honor her wish, and ask her why she doesn’t like it. If she doesn’t want to answer, let it go. There’s always some other kind of dirty talk you can try.
And if she doesn’t want to engage in dirty talk at all, that’s fine as well. The worst thing you can do is disrespect your partner’s boundaries and push her into doing something she is uncomfortable with. Give it some time, maybe she’ll warm up to it in the future. Then again, she might not.. The important thing is to not be insistent.
You Don’t Have to Be Explicit to Be Good at Dirty Talk
Next time you want to try talking dirty to your wife, first try to sense the mood. Maybe start with something “lighter” if you know your partner isn’t usually the type that would get excited at something extremely vulgar.
You can say something like: “I love it when our bodies touch”, or “those panties make me go wild”, or “I want to rip that bra off you right now!” You see, there are plenty of softcore options.
… or you can go all out
If you feel you can throw in “the big guns” then why not? Go for it! Even if it turns out to be too much in the end, you can always have a hearty conversation afterward. It’s not unlikely that your partner will thank you for trying. Besides, it’ll allow you to see what sort of dirty talk works for her.
Dirty talk is something that you can work on along the way. It usually isn’t something that can be pre-negotiated and decided right from the start.
Is There Something That’s Off-Limits in Dirty Talk?
The answer to this question is simple: it depends solely on the two of you. Both of you get to decide what works and what doesn’t, what’s within bounds and what isn’t.
If your wife didn’t like some phrases or topics during your last dirty talk, then ask her to tell you what she would like instead. Maybe she wants to be called “bitch” instead of “slut”, or the other way around.
The same goes for you. If, for example, she called you “daddy” and you don’t really like it, ask her if she can call you a different name, one that you actually like.
It’s important to encourage one another to talk about these things.
How to Talk Dirty to Your Wife: Phrases You Can Use When You’re Short on Ideas
Okay, so now comes the fun part! I’ll give you some ideas and phrases that you can try next time you plan on talking dirty to your wife.
By the way, if this is your first time, and you have trouble easing into it, I suggest you try sexting. This can take the pressure off the whole endeavor, because it makes it a bit less face to face, giving you more control over the situation and what you’re about to say.
Still, I would discourage you from thinking too much or too hard about it.
Tip: Reading erotica can be a good place to get some ideas for talking dirty to your wife. Another good source can be listening to audio porn.
Dirty Talk Phrases for Sexting and for When You’re on the Phone
Here are some different “categories” of dirty talk:
- Dirty talk where you describe what you’re wearing (it doesn’t have to be true, of course).
- “I’m currently wearing a really nice suit and a tight belt that I can’t wait for you to take off later.”
- “Do you know what I’m wearing right now? That pair of boxers you really like, the ones you bought me in Italy a year ago…”
- Or, you can talk about what you’re doing at the moment (also doesn’t have to be entirely true. You can just be at your work desk, building anticipation):
- “My cock is so hard, I just want to lay you on this desk and fuck you hard!”
- “I thought about you in that sexy black bra and started touching myself…”
- “I’m lying in our bed and putting my hand down my boxers… want to know what I’m going to do next?”
- Tell her what you want her to do later on (this is the “giving instructions” type of dirty talk I was talking about earlier)
- “When I come home I want to see you take off your panties and bend over the kitchen counter…”
Dirty Talk Phrases for the Bedroom
So, you’ve managed to break the ice by sexting – good for you! Now it’s time to use dirty talk in the bedroom. You can use the following phrases to set the “conversation” in motion and ease the tension if you’re both feeling a little awkward.
- “You look really sexy in that bra. I love how I can see your nipples through it.”
- “Tell me what you want me to do.”
- “I’ve been waiting the whole day to slide my fingers in you and see how wet you are.”
And if you really want that extra bit of help, you can try these short scripts and scenarios:
Use a compliment
“You are so good at ___[sucking my cock]”
“You have the most ___ [amazing breasts], I want to ___ “[lose myself in them]”
“I love it when you ___ [touch my cock]”
“I will __ [fuck you so hard]”
“If you ___ [don’t scream], I will ___ [not let you finish until you do]
Make a request
“Will you __ [bend over] for me?”
“Can I__ [put my cock] in your ___ [mouth]?”
As you can see folks, dirty talk isn’t that hard to do, but it can get you hard. I hope I managed to make it easier for you, especially if you’re new to the whole thing.
All you need to do now is to just sense the mood, and surrender to your fantasies and “dirty” images in your head. Once you do, the words will start flowing coming out on their own!