Trying Mutual Masturbation With Your Wife

Lots of people masturbate – it’s a common fact, there’s nothing wrong with that.  And truth be told, masturbation’s actually pretty healthy for a whole array of reasons: it decreases stress, it helps you sleep better, helps you have better sex, contributes to better heart health, and so on, and so on… Plenty of good stuff there.  Masturbation is a very powerful sexual activity that allows you to get to know your body. It will help you figure out just what it is you like to do during sex and where you want to be touched.  And it’s a pity that some people still consider it a taboo subject or that it’s expected for married people/partners to somehow do away with it once they commit. Mutual masturbation, as it turns out, can actually do a pretty good job for your monogamous sex life.  Yes, you read the title right – in this article, I want to talk about masturbating together with your wife or partner.  Masturbation doesn’t necessarily need to be a fun activity for one – it can be much more than that, it can contribute to an exciting time in the bedroom for both of you, and here we’ll see just how you can achieve that. 

Why You Should Try Mutual Masturbation With Your Partner/Wife

According to a study made on married people aged 18-60, it turns out that 38% of women and 61% of men masturbate in their marriages.  What the study also suggested was that people masturbated both as a complement to their satisfactory love life, but also as an act of compensation for the lack of it. That’s an interesting find, isn’t it?  But, whatever your sexual routine might be, as well as the level of sexual satisfaction in your marriage/relationship, masturbation seems to offer possibilities to improve it – as a couple.  So let’s see the reasons why you should do it as well as some tips on how you should do it. 

Having Trouble With Penetrative Sex? 

There’s nothing wrong with that. Plenty of couples go through issues including penetrative sex. Sometimes men have erectile dysfunction, are experiencing impotence, or premature ejaculation, or other similar issues. About a third of men (31%) will face some sort of sexual dysfunction during their lifetime, making it a very common phenomenon.  According to the study that I linked above, 43% of women will also experience sexual dysfunction, and among them is definitely pain and difficulties during intercourse. Some women struggle with vaginismus, a condition where they experience involuntary muscle spasms that prevent them from receiving vaginal penetration or make it very painful once it occurs. It usually happens with women who have penetrative sex for the first time, but it can also happen to women who’ve had penetrative sex without feeling any pain before.  Here you can check out a story about a woman who developed vaginismus in her marriage, and see how trying mutual masturbation saved her sex life. I encourage you to read it, it’s a really nice story! 

It Can Be an Act of Intimacy (And a Bit of Kinkiness) 

(Mutual) masturbation can sometimes feel more intimate than having regular sex, and this has a lot to do with the perception one has of oneself and their body. Showing what you usually do with your body in private can be an act of showing vulnerability towards your partner, but it can also be a learning experience. By not being judgemental to each other and use it as a way to learn about the other, mutual masturbation can also be a way to build trust and connection between partners, which ultimately leads to more intimacy in the relationship.  Also, the voyeuristic aspect of watching someone pleasure themselves adds a ton of spice to the whole thing. Watching your partner intently while they’re masturbating and masturbating to their masturbation can be kinky and make you both even more aroused while you do it. 

It’s a Great Way to Still Feel Pleasure Even When You Are Both Tired 

Sex requires energy, no doubt about that, and sometimes, after a long and tiring day (both mentally and physically), you just don’t have the strength to do it, although a part of you really wants to.  Or maybe your partner is also very insistent about it and you don’t want to disappoint them. The same thing goes if one of you has a low libido for a short or prolonged period of time.   So how do you find the middle ground?  By trying mutual masturbation.  Now, this also might have its varieties – like, for example, if you’re the one that’s tired and/or with a low libido, you can tell your partner they can masturbate in front of you, that you just want to be the spectator this time.  And, you can always add to the experience phrases like “You look so hot like that”, or “I love it when you’re touching your pussy”. You can even allow them to grab your hand and use it as a toy for fingering and touching themselves. Lots of possibilities even when you’re tired folks!  And, trust me, I can’t tell you about the number of times this has made me horny as hell and want to have sex even if I initially didn’t feel like it or was too tired. 

You Can Find Out More About Your Partner’s Pleasure Spots 

Now, I know how you might think: But I know my spouse for ages, how can I not know what she likes during sex?  Well, my friend, it’s entirely possible that you don’t know and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Lots of couples go through the same thing – they’ve spent a large portion of their relationship doing the same sex routine and not talking much about what each of them individually likes in bed.  But, the truth is, no matter how much time you’ve been together, there’s always so much to learn about your partner’s body, and vice versa.  And mutual masturbation can definitely help you out in that endeavor. Just try to pay extra attention to the pleasure spots your partner visits the most while she touches herself in front of you. Trust me, she’ll (quietly) thank you next time you have sex together! 

How to Introduce Mutual Masturbation Into Your Sexual Routine – Tips on Mutual Masturbation  

Now that we’ve covered the reasons why you should try masturbating together as a couple, I want to share some tips on how to make the whole experience super sexy. 

Experiment With Positions 

Experimenting with different positions is always a good idea – whether it’s plain old intercourse or mutual masturbation, changing positions can definitely make sex more interesting.  You may think that the options are limited when it comes to masturbation but that’s not really the case. You can try all sorts of positions – you can also use some of the sex positions you already practice in the bedroom. 

For example

  • Once you begin your mutual masturbation session, you can try not to touch each other and just try to maintain eye contact. You can even attempt to avoid looking at each other at all and get off only from the sounds both of you are making (which can definitely be super hot, if you ask me). 
  • You can also masturbate while parts of you are touching – you can do it while you’re straddling your partner or she can do it while she’s on top of you. Also, she can lie on her stomach and pleasure herself (lots of women prefer that position when it comes to masturbation), and you can do it while you’re on top of her, or just barely touching, lying/sitting next to her. 

Use BDSM Tactics 

Why not consider mutual masturbation as a form of BDSM? Since it’s a voyeuristic act, and voyeurism is considered kinky, why not bring some more of that BDSM edge to it, while you’re there?  You can use verbal techniques for dominance and submission. For example, you can tell your wife/partner (or she can tell you) what to do – either to you or to herself.  If you want to be the dominant one, you can give detailed instructions on how to do the touching – tell them about which specific movements to use, how much pressure to apply, when to speed it up and when to speed it down, and also when you want them to touch another part of their body.  Edging can be a real turn-on here as well. Basically, you won’t allow your partner to come unless you give them explicit permission to do so. 

Don’t Be Afraid to Use Sex Toys (If You Feel Like It)

There aren’t any prescribed rules about how (mutual) masturbation should occur, nor what you should use as a way to pleasure yourselves. 

Next time you get tired of using only your own hand and fingers, grab a sex toy and give it a go. 

  • Use a cock ring – you can use cock rings both for masturbation and regular sexual activity. Cock rings have great potential in enhancing pleasure, as well as enhancing and prolonging erections, and can also play a part in delaying orgasms. They work by restricting the blood flow in the penis, which is why they produce effects of engorgement and tightness once you put them on. You can also try using models that vibrate, something your partner may also want you to try it on her as well. 
  • Get a wand vibrator or other type of toys for vaginal/clitoral stimulation
    • Wand vibrators are one of the best sex toys you can stimulate the clitoris with. It’s something women have been raving about for quite some time now, some even saying how it changed their sex life. It’s a great sex toy to be used alone and with a partner, and it can be such a welcome addition when it comes to instances of mutual masturbation. 
    • Bullet vibrators are another sex toy alternative to use for clitoral stimulation. Most of them are shaped like thin (relatively short) cylinders, which is why they’re called ‘bullet’ vibrators, but not all of them. 
    • Get a dildo or a vibrator for parallel vaginal penetration while you or your partner stimulates her clitoris and her vulvar region. 
You can also use these vibrating toys on other body parts, besides the genitalia – you can use it on other erogenous zones as well. For example, you can put a vibrator between your partner’s breasts while you’re both masturbating, or you can put it near one of her nipples; you can also use nipple clamps if one of you wants to include nipple play. 

Watch Porn Together While You Masturbate 

Now, while I do have a whole separate article on watching porn with your partner, I also want to briefly mention it here.  Watching porn together can help spice up your sex life and can teach you about some stuff you can do to each other that you haven’t done before (although, of course, porn shouldn’t be considered as an adequate substitute for sex ed).  So, watching porn together while you mutually masturbate to it can also be a fun and sexy experience, especially because you get to see how your partner reacts when they watch porn and masturbate to it. 

Final Thoughts 

So, I think we’ve steered clear from the idea that masturbation in a relationship is a taboo subject by now. Or, at least I hope we did. As we’ve seen from this article, it can actually contribute to your sex life and give it some edge or kink, as well as a new perspective on your partner and the way they relate to their bodies.  

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