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Watching Porn With Your Wife – An Introduction

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Image by Icons8_team from Pixabay

Just try and picture this: you’re with your partner, in bed or on the sofa together. You reach for the remote or the computer. And, instead of browsing through a random streaming channel on a regular weekend or workday night, you decided to do something else. You start watching porn together! It’s super hot, and you end up having awesome sex! Turns out watching porn with your wife can be pretty neat.

Some might consider it kinky, a bit naughty, even downright weird… I mean, watching porn together? 

But trust me on this, dear readers, it can be a great turn on. 

What is it about porn that’s so enticing? 

Let’s face it. People generally love watching porn. It’s more or less easily available and it gets you off pretty quickly. Not to mention there’s an enormous variety of it out there, tailored after everyone’s tastes. Oh, and have I mentioned it’s always there for ya… what’s not to love, right? 

But porn is still a controversial subject, and this goes especially for married people or people in committed relationships. 

Lots of married people are horrified at the mere thought of their partners watching porn. It’s safe to say the same, to some extent, goes for masturbation as well). They interpret this as a sign that their partners don’t want them. Or they think their partners aren’t satisfied with their sex life. Some even consider it a type of infidelity. But one doesn’t need to be as strict when it comes to porn (or masturbation for that matter). As it turns out, porn offers a lot of potential for spicing up your married sex life. 

Why You Should Try Watching Porn With Your Wife 

The voyeurism in watching porn, aka watching other people have sex, is definitely one of the most alluring aspects of it. But couple that with watching it with your partner, and it can become even sexier. 

Doing something new with your significant other adds to the sexual excitement. Sexual novelty is one of the best things you can do for rejuvenating or just upgrading your sex life. 

A type of naughtiness hovers over the whole thing. Feeling of illicitness that you’re both peeking into somebody else’s bedroom and sharing the pleasure. 

That being said, let’s look at some of the main reasons why it’s a good idea to watch porn with your partner or spouse. 

It Can Bring You Closer as a Couple 

Masturbation and watching porn is a grey area in marriage. These are activities that one usually does alone, and a lot more people do them than they care to admit. This is because there are often feelings of shame, embarrassment, but also guilt involved. Not to mention there’s also the fear of making your partner feel inadequate. 

But sharing something of this sort with your partner is a big step forward. It means you’re ready to step out of your comfort zone and try out something new. Being open towards each other is another result of this step forward. This openness helps you make your intimate relationship even stronger and it prevents you from having to hide stuff from one another.

Finally, being capable of sharing your sexual fantasies, interests, and desires is the biggest gains of them all. 

Sure, it can be scary the first time it happens. It’s basically letting someone in your realm of sexual preferences and visualizations. It doesn’t matter that they’re your closest companion – it’s still someone else besides you looking at these really personal stuff.

But once you overcome this fear of “trespassing”, you’ll notice how a new dimension of intimacy opens up for the two of you. One thaat will also allow you to explore new directions in your sex life. 

It Can Help You Talk About What You Both Want More 

So porn shows you stuff, right? It brings words into images, scenarios into action. 

So, once you’re both tucked in, watching some action going on in front of you, you will both notice stuff that you like. You will get ideas, you will be reminded of dormant fantasies, or indulge in present ones through the screen. 

Well, watching porn with your wife makes it easier for you to actually share things about what it is you like to do and have done to you during sex. It’s a safe space for conversation because it’s always mediated, so you don’t really have to feel like you’re being intimidating towards your partner, or feel intimidated yourself. 

So, the next time something that really floats your boat comes up when you do decide to watch porn together, you can just let out a comment such as “Oh, I like this part… looks like a lot of fun…”, or “Oh, wonder if we could try that sometime…” And the same goes for your partner or wife. Maybe she feels similarly as you do, and she finds it hard to communicate her desires directly. 

That’s why this is a good way to mitigate what might seem like an unpleasant or awkward conversation and turn it into something more sexy and spontaneous. 

If you don’t believe me on this, trust the numbers. Women’s Health magazine cites a survey made by the famous British lingerie and sex toys retailer company, Ann Summers. In it, they note that “58 percent of women who watched porn with their partner said it had a positive effect on their relationship”. Also, “more than half of women said it gave them the confidence to ask for what they wanted in bed.” 

Who would’ve thought porn can actually spark up communication between couples, huh?

It’s Sexy 

I feel like this one is pretty self-explanatory, but it wouldn’t hurt saying a couple of more things about it. 

Yes, watching porn together can be really, really sexy. And this might be especially important for couples who have trouble with their libido. Maybe one of them gets off easier than the other. Or maybe arousal for one of the spouses has become rather difficult for some reason. Be that as it may, porn can do a really good job in these situations. 

The key is, of course, to pick something you both like. That way you’ll ensure you’re both into it and it’ll make the whole experience more exciting. Watching each other get aroused by the same thing is very sexy indeed. Watching your partner being aroused is another set-off . It makes you feel potent and powerful like you can do anything together. 

It Can Give You Some New Ideas You Can Try Out Together 

Now, of course, what happens in mainstream porn movies doesn’t really reflect the full reality of sexual acts and experiences. However, it can definitely give you some hints and ideas. 

Porn has become really versatile in the past decade or so. With a great help from the world wide web, there’s truly a vast area of inspiration out there.

The good thing about watching it together is that you can try and see something new. Now you’ll have to negotiate your tastes, so you won’t be returning to the same old videos that you love so much. 

Porn videos and erotic movies can give you plenty of roleplay ideas. They can also give you hints on which new positions you can try out at home. And the great thing about it is that you can always surprise yourself. Maybe the thing you thought you’d be the least interested in will turn out to be the most exciting! 

How to Introduce the Idea of Watching Porn Together to Your Partner 

Let me walk you over some steps so you can make it easier for yourself when introducing this wonderful idea to your partner.

Start With a Conversation

A healthy relationship is dependent on good communication skills and being able to share stuff with your partner. And when trying to introduce something new into your relationship, there’s usually (and there shouldn’t be) no going around it without first talking about it. 

The same goes for trying to bring up the subject of watching porn together. It might seem tricky at first, but there’s nothing a good conversation can’t solve. 

You can try out the following phrases: 

  • You think you’d like us to try out this…
  • There’s something we haven’t tried before… 
  • [If you’re a bit more self-confident bringing this topic suddenly into a conversation, try the following] Wow, the dream I had last night! I don’t know where it came from but really flipped a switch somewhere… [now here is a good spot where you can notice how your partner reacts to this before continuing further]… we were watching porn together and it was really hot!
  • I have fantasies about watching porn with you… 

Think and Talk About What You Want to Watch Together

Once the idea of watching porn together sinks in, the next step is to talk about what you want to watch together. 

Now, for shyer couples, this can be just as tricky as the initial conversation you had on the subject. But no worries, you can overcome this as well. 

So, instead of searching for the stuff together – which you certainly can do, but – talk about what kind of porn you’d like to search for – the genre, the type of play involved, the possible content, and maybe even the channel. This is going to save you time and (possible) awkwardness browsing through the endless pages of internet porn out there. 

… and take turns in choosing

This should go without saying but you’d be surprised how often I fall into that trap! 

So, since it’s usually pretty hard to adjust your porn tastes – even if your other tastes are pretty much identical, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’ll be the same for porn. 

So a very easy fair and square way to resolve all of this is, of course, to take turns when choosing the porn movie or erotic video of your own liking, and try to respect and acknowledge your partner’s taste(s), as well as to give it a chance. 

If you see that you really can’t connect with it or you find it absolutely revolting then it’s definitely time to voice this to your partner and knock it off the list. 

It Matters Where You Watch It 

Phones are like mini-computers nowadays, I get that. But still, before setting out to watch porn for the first time on your smartphone, reconsider doing it on your computer/laptop (if possible). 

Because the way you see porn, aka the technology you see it on, definitely matters. It’s all about being cozy and feeling emotionally and physically safe and comfortable. 

Small screens make it much harder to watch a porn movie and to actually draw something from it, or to browse through the channels and/or the site (even though it may seem like a more practical solution than a laptop, let’s say). 

You can save watching porn on your phone when you both become a bit more pro in it. Or, if you’re really eager to have sex parallel to the first time you try watching porn together, then using a phone may be more of a practical idea. In any event, just do whatever works!

And What Happens When You Do End Up Watching It Together? 

Okay so you went over the hard steps and now you’re all cozied up in bed, watching something that you both picked out and that you both actually seem to like. The perfect scenario, right?

And what happens when you come upon a scene that you want to try out? Well, that’s the great thing about watching porn together, something I mentioned a couple of times throughout the article – it makes it much easier to voice your desires and what you want to do. 

It saves you lots of time and trouble when it comes to introducing something new in your sexual routine. I mean you’re both there, watching the same movie/video/scene, and both of you can immediately know whether you’re into it or not, whether you want to try it or just leave it to the imagination. 

Just flip out a comment like “that looks really hot”, or “wouldn’t mind trying that out, what’d you think?” Or, you can cut the chit chat and get straight into it – I know from experience that it’s amazing foreplay and it can get you in the mood pretty fast. 

… But You Also Don’t Need to Take It Too Seriously 

As I also mentioned earlier, lots of porn flicks are not really representative of how people actually have sex in real life or what they want. 

So, if you stumble upon something that doesn’t really seem realistic or you see a scene where the actors are doing something that your partner also does to you and that you’re not a fan of, say it. Take a moment and take notice of the scene. Tell your partner how you don’t think this is very doable in real life or that it seems fake. When it’s something that you don’t want your partner to do anymore, say something like “That really doesn’t feel comfortable/Doesn’t feel good”. Or say something like “Yeah, I’ve done that before and it’s not really my cup of tea.”  

Watching porn can really be a learning experience, and an interesting way for you to communicate as a couple! 

What Kind of Videos Should You Consider Watching Together? 

Well, first of all, we shouldn’t assume anything about anybody here. I’m sure that on the internet you’ll see lots of articles and comments about “male” and “female porn”, about female-friendly and feminist porn, about male and female fantasies. My advice is that you don’t listen to them. 

Picking a porn/erotic movie should be a joint activity – nobody should just assume what the other one wants based on their gender or what they read on the internet their gender usually likes. 

SexEd Videos 

Another thing you can do is to implement sexual education videos (not the ones you might’ve had in high school, don’t worry) into your sex life. 

They can be really good means for learning what your partner likes when it comes to making love. A good example of these kinds of tools is the OMGYES website. It’s a site that offers resources for exploring female pleasure. It actually contains uncensored videos of real women masturbating, all with the purpose to show you how you can please your partner and help you discuss more openly how she wants to be touched or how she can achieve an orgasm.

It contains information for a variety of age groups (the site says ages 18-95!), and it’s all science-backed, with a partnership with Indiana University and the researchers from the Kinsey Institute!

….But don’t consider SexEd Videos Porn

Here’s what I find: porn is porn and doesn’t have to be politically correct. The most important thing to remember when you want to watch porn with your wife is that it’s about exploring fantasy, any fantasy. This means that you need to be prepared to go beyond the boundaries of “soft-core” or “educational” or “instructional” or “vanilla”, and part ways with any preconceived notions you might have about what your wife likes to fantasize about. 

Because the truth is – people’s tastes in porn may be the complete opposite of what they like in sex, and that’s perfectly normal. Your wife might be a feminist but enjoy watching BDSM sex and gangbangs. She might be prone to experiencing jealousy in your relationship but love watching threesomes when it comes to porn.  

So the rule is – anything goes. If you don’t like something you’re watching together, voice that in a respectful way. But embrace your partner with all of her quirks and fantasies anyway.

Final Thoughts 

As we saw throughout this article, watching porn together with your partner can be a very exciting experience. 

It doesn’t really matter whether you’re doing it because of the voyeuristic thrill, or because you genuinely want to bring some novelty in your sex life – as long as you do it because you both feel good about it and it improves the way you experience pleasure and arousal. 

For some people, watching porn as a couple may be awkward in the beginning, but with a little bit of patience and acknowledging the benefits of it, it can become a truly enjoyable activity for both of you. 

All I’m asking is you give it a chance and see how you feel about it after a while. And I really trust that the majority of you will feel really, really good in the end. 

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