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Foreplay: Why It’s Important and How to Do It Right

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Photo by We-Vibe WOW Tech on Unsplash

What is foreplay? 

Foreplay is a nice, little word that comprises a whole arena of activities under its 8-letter structure. 

No, but really, what is foreplay?

Basically, foreplay is any sexual or pleasure-related activity that you do before engaging in actual intercourse. And, this activity can also be both mental and physical, so next time you and your girl are using dirty talk in order to turn each other on, yes, that definitely counts as foreplay. 

Why is Foreplay Important?

If you’ve ever had sex, chances are you’ve engaged in some form of foreplay. You might’ve done this without even knowing or thinking about it. And even though it might seem like a simple preparation for the “real deal” that is penetrative sex, foreplay is far from a secondary or minor part of sex itself. 

Turns out foreplay matters to both men and women equally. And this goes contrary to the popular belief that women were the ones enjoying it more. 

Foreplay is great for your sex life in a number of ways.

First of all, it helps to build intimacy, which is itself an important element in leading a satisfactory love life. 

What’s more, men who engaged in extended foreplay more often or regularly (especially older men) reported a smaller rate of problems with erection, arousal, and orgasm, and were less likely to have sex that they didn’t enjoy. 

If you’re having the occasional quicky, that’s not a problem at all – in fact, good for you! But it does become a problem when that’s the only thing you do. When you reduce your sexual relationship with your partner to quickies only. 

How Long Should Foreplay Last? 

There isn’t really a prescribed time on how long should foreplay last. It fully depends on the both of you and how you feel when doing it. 

There will be times when you will want to do it longer. Maybe because it feels hot, or because you’re struggling with getting an erection and your wife needs a bit more time to get wet, so it can last for 20, 30 minutes, an hour, two… And sometimes it’s just going to go on for like, 5-10 minutes before you jump on each other like animals and have sex. 

As I said, there are no rules for how long should foreplay last, and there shouldn’t be any. Do it however long you want as long as it feels right! 

How to Nail Foreplay Like a Pro 

I’ve encountered lots of questions on the internet regarding ‘how to do foreplay’ or ‘what is foreplay’. Initiating foreplay shouldn’t be rocket science. So, what I’m gonna do next is go over a series of foreplay tips and activities you can try both in the bedroom and outside it! 

Also, foreplay can be a variety of activities that are pleasurable for both of you. These are activities that make you horny, but also ones that don’t necessarily involve intercourse.

In this article, however, I won’t exhaust the list of possible foreplay techniques or ideas. But, I’m sure there’s gonna be something for everyone since I’ve tried to curate it according to most tastes. 

So, let’s see what’s on the menu for all of you guys, huh? 

#1 Try Massage 

I mean, who doesn’t love massages, right? It’s relaxing, it’s pampering, the whole body is subjected to the magic of touch… 

Massages are just a great way to get both you and your girl going. 

You can start from either the legs or the shoulders and then continue upwards or downwards. Or you can just focus on one part of the body, like from the thighs (and buttocks) down for example. 

You can try massaging her thighs, then sliding down to her calves and then to her ankles and feet, where you can end up massaging each toe individually. Also, if you’re both into it, you can definitely give them a bit of the suckling magic, right? 

You can also focus from the calves upwards and then continue to the thighs where, after a while, you can try sliding your hand towards her genital area and continue over from there. 

Building an atmosphere for the massaging section is never a bad idea, since it might help to get both of you quicker in the mood. What’s more, you can even try looking up aphrodisiac massage/essential oils and get there even faster! 

#2 Use the Power of Sexting 

Sexting is foreplay from the 21st-century! All of you tech-savvy men and women out there, rejoice! If you’re one of those people that consider their phone as a part of themselves, as their best buddy, then why not use it for the righteous purpose of bringing some steam into your sexual routine?

The very convenient side of sexting is that it can be done literally from anywhere. You can use it to make your girl horny even before she has the chance to lay eyes on you (while she’s at work, doing some errands, or traveling). And we all know that anticipation is the super hot, sexy sister of desire, right? 

I mean the field here is vast. You can send nudes or GIFs from people engaging in sexual activity. You can use simple words, or elaborate sentences about what goes in your mind and what you’re planning to do once you see her. Feel free to be as direct as possible.

But even if you’re not really the technology type – this can be done by anybody. It’s just a great way to introduce novelty into your sex life, and even if texting is not something you usually do, why not try with sexting first? (but make sure you limit it to your partner only)

#3 Well… Kiss Dammit! 

I mean, I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t mention this cause it might seem obvious, but no. Couples in long-term relationships oftentimes forget to kiss after a while. 

And kissing is pretty important for maintaining intimacy in your relationship. It also affects the level of desirability of a partner. So when you gradually stop kissing, that can have effects on the whole romantic balance you’ve built throughout the years. And that can affect your sex life as well. 

So, it’s worth mentioning you need to remind yourself how important it is to kiss your partner frequently and often. 

Kissing can be of great help when it comes to foreplay, but also during sex. 

Of course, everybody likes to kiss differently. So if one of you is bothered by the way you kiss, you should definitely discuss that. 

And if you want to be on the safe side, you can try different techniques and see how your lady responds to them. You can do more tongue kissing by trying to lift or follow her tongue up and down or use solely the power of your lips. 

You can try kissing parts of her face. The cheeks, her nose, her eyes, and the forehead… And, of course, you can also kiss other body parts from the neck downwards. 

#4 Pay Attention to Her Breasts 

When you’re in doubt about how to do foreplay… well turn to her breasts. 

Breasts are one of the most erogenous zones on a woman’s body. But, this doesn’t mean that all women get equally excited when their partner touches their breasts. 

Some are too sensitive to the touch, some simply don’t get off at the idea and the execution of breast play… however it is, it’s best to first talk to your lady about it and see how she feels about breast play at the moment (alternately, start playing lightly with them during foreplay and see how she reacts). If she likes it, then you can try out plenty of different stuff with them afterwards. 

You can, for example, start by very gently kissing her breasts, from all sides, without necessarily touching the nipple or areola (this will also help build anticipation). You can also apply different types of pressure with your hand, depending on what your woman likes. 

You can also stimulate her nipples and the areola. You can kiss them, suck on them (with different suction volumes), you can lick them, slowly, fast, whatever works. 

A good idea is to make small alterations with other body parts in between the breast kissing sessions – such as kissing her neck, kissing her on the mouth, kissing her collarbone, kissing and biting her earlobes and the area around her pelvis, before getting back up. This will help build desire and anticipation, making her beg for more! 

#5 Don’t Shy Away From Using Toys 

Toys are a great way of bringing novelty into the realm of foreplay. If you never used toys before, look at them as an extra pair of hands. They can be an extremely helpful buddy that shows you new ways to achieve pleasure, and may even contribute to better orgasms. 

There are plenty of toys you can use, fitted after anyone’s taste. Getting aroused means you have to play just as many mind games as physical ones. 

So, for example, if you want to play with the notions of control and anticipation, you can try using a blindfold. This is a light start, that allows you to enter the realm of BDSM slowly and carefully.

You can get a vibrator or a dildo if your wife or partner is up for using a sex toy. And you can use it during foreplay, instead of using just your fingers. The sex toy can serve as a warmup for the actual intercourse or as the actual intercourse if that’s what you both prefer. 

In any event, you have to always ask yourself what it is that turns your partner on. And ask her, of course. The variety of sex toys out there is huge, and you can have fun experimenting with them! 

#6 Try Dry Humping 

Yep, one of the answers to the question ‘what is foreplay’ is definitely dry humping. There’s nothing wrong with it, and even if the last time you did it you were 16, it doesn’t mean it’s lame or reserved only for anxious teenagers. 

A large part of why dry humping is sexy is because of ‘delayed gratification’. What this basically means is that you do a balancing act of the amount of horniness while also putting off sex, so by the time you get to actually orgasm, there’s definitely going to be fireworks in the bedroom. 

#7 Use Dirty Talk 

Dirty talk is an old-school way to get your woman aroused, and if it’s done properly, it rarely misses the mark. 

For people who aren’t used to saying these kinds of things, it may feel a bit daunting and embarrassing at first. But don’t worry, once you get into the mood, words will start flowing from your lips (and your mind!) like a pro. 

So how can you start if you’re new to the dirty talk game? Well, first you can describe the way you feel. You can say stuff like “I’m so horny right now” or “I’m so turned on, I could cum just by looking at you”. Then you can say “Don’t stop”,“I want to bend you over and …”, “ or “I like the taste of your pussy”. 

A good additional touch to this is to whisper, and maybe even occasionally get closer to her ear, so she can almost feel the texture of your words. Trust me, this often has an extra-sexy effect. You can also keep doing this all throughout the foreplay, no matter what you’re doing and even during sex. Of course, try to balance it out, since talking too much is not really sexy. 

#8 Work on the Appearance and the Disappearance of Your Clothes 

I feel like I almost don’t need to say it, but it seems like lots of people simply forget about the benefits and (occasional) necessity of sexy underwear. And I mean this for the both of you! If you notice that your woman puts a real effort around her lingerie, so should you. And if you do it, and she doesn’t, then she’s bound to notice at some point and work on it herself. 

You can also use different kinds of clothes and accessories so you can turn each other on. And what’s more important than sexy clothes? Well stripping them down, of course! 

Don’t you just love the moment when you’re both taking off your clothes and just can’t wait to get it on? Well, lots of people don’t really think about it, although there’s plenty of magic in there too. 

So, instead of getting naked in a flash, try doing the opposite – try taking her clothes off bit by bit. You can start, for example, with taking off her shirt first, or her pants/skirt. Then you can spend some time nosing around her bra before taking it off. This is a good time to pay a bit of attention to her breasts (see tip #4). And, of course, the final act comes with taking off her panties. Here you also don’t have to engage in sex right away – you can continue the foreplay for however long you want, it all depends on your preferences. 

#9 Watch Porn or an Erotic Movie Together 

One of the ways of ‘how to do foreplay’ (also a question I’ve encountered online), is – yes – to watch porn together. 

Now, I do have a special article devoted just to this topic. I suggest you check it out if you’re interested in trying it. But I do want to say a couple of sentences about it here as well. 

Basically, it comes down to this: it’s hot to watch other people being horny and having sex, and it’s hot watching your partner get aroused by it. This, in turn, will work as a feedback loop. Both of you will get aroused from the video/film and also from each other; you may even end up learning a trick or two from what’s going on inside it! 

Final Thoughts 

Since you clicked on this article, chances are you’re looking for ways to bring foreplay back into your life or at least improve upon already proven and beloved practices. 

But, there’s one thing you’ve got to understand – that foreplay is really a team effort. It requires both partners to communicate well and be open towards one another. They need to know their bodies, be at ease with themselves, and know more or less what they want, what turns them on, where they like to be touched, and so on. 

Initiating foreplay shouldn’t be a task you fear – hell, it shouldn’t be a task at all! Husband-wife foreplay should be about fun, pleasure and enjoyment, and no pressure should be allowed here. 

Communicate and experiment with each other 

Communicate your desire to be touched a certain place through vocalizations, loud sounds, and physical responses as well. Use those same sounds to find out where your wife wants to be touched as well. It’s also always a good idea to talk to your partner before or after sex about this. This is a time when you’re both relaxed, and it allows you to calmly tell her what you want them to do to you, without being anyhow confrontational or too critical. 

It’s safe to say that foreplay won’t solve all the problems you might be having in the bedroom. But, it might solve some. What matters most is that you’re one the same page with your partner when it comes to sex and desire. And that you’re both working tirelessly to improve what has gone wrong. 

If there’s a deeper issue, however, such as problems with losing touch with the sexual nature of your relationship in general, then you’re more than welcome to check my article on how to rekindle desire in a long-term relationship. 

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