Do you get excited just hearing the word BDSM? What do you think of first – sex dungeons, latex suits, elaborate bondage scenarios, and role-play? I mean, sure, that’s all a part of the big game of BDSM, but if you wanna take it a little slower, that’s okay as well. BDSM is a lot of stuff and it’s definitely not exhausted in a couple of stereotypes you’ve picked up here and there. Wanna know what I’m actually talking about? Read more to find out a bunch of exciting BDSM ideas you can try out with your partner and shake things up a bit in the bedroom!
Exciting BDSM Ideas You Can Try Out With Your Partner
So, fellas, in the following sections, I’ll talk about some sexy, fun, and very exciting BDSM ideas, so buckle up!
1. Bondage, Restraining, Binding, Tying, and Cuffing Your Partner
If you’ve ever tried tying your partner with a scarf, a tie, or a belt – well, it means you’ve engaged in a very common BDSM practice!
Yes, consensually restraining your partner in any way can actually be one of the easiest and best ways to enter the BDSM territory.
Tying each other up can be a very sexy and fun BDSM experience which will help you nail the roles of doms and subs, and also see how it is to switch between these roles.
You can try bondage with a variety of different objects, even household items like pieces of clothing, as I mentioned earlier.
Next, I’m going to briefly talk about the ways you can use restraint on each other as a form of BDSM play.
Source: ropeconnections.com
Using a rope
A rope is a BDSM old school classic. Ropes used in BDSM bondage can be made from a variety of materials (hemp, cotton, jute, nylon). The combinations are endless with this one, you just have to learn the ways of bondage and you can have all the fun you want in the world!
I recommend taking a look at this book called Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes if you want to get familiar with BDSM rope bondage 101. You can also see if there are some (online) classes you can take for a more interactive learning experience.
A very famous and pretty interesting type of BDSM bondage that gives an additional esthetic element to the art of tying for sexual and pleasure purposes is Japanese bondage or kinbaku (also called shibari). If you’re interested, check out Essence of Shibari: Kinbaku and Japanese Rope Bondage and master the basics of this BDSM art form!
It’s important to choose a rope that will be less harsh on your or your partner’s skin and wrists, so keep in mind that as well.
I mean you can also always use a rope that you have at home, but chances are it’s not going to be too nice to your body, and you also have to know whether you’d be able to easily untie it when you manage to tie a particular type of knot. If not, you can always get the scissors in an emergency and cut it out!
Using a full bed restraint
A full bed restraint is another way you can include bondage in your sex life. This particular item is what it says it is – a set of cuffs and connector straps that go under the mattress and make sure you have a truly submissive bondage experience.
Source: sexpertconsultants.com
This set usually includes cuffs for your hands and feet so you can be completely tied to the bed.
This is another favorite when it comes to bondage gear. A good kit will contain easy on the wrists (often padded) cuffs that are just as easy to take off as they are to put on, but which will also nevertheless do a great job in keeping you or your partner in place during your BDSM session.
You can also use cuffs that go just on the hands or just on the feet (also called ankle cuffs). If you or your partner want something extra soft to begin with, I recommend using soft bondage cuffs that employ velcro technology for a safe, easygoing, but also sexy BDSM experience.
Other tying options
As I mentioned above, you can also use household items for bondage play. You just have to be careful when using them.
You can take your tie and put it around your partner’s hands or her feet, or even put it as a blindfold (which actually falls into the category of sensation play).
Another thing you can use is your own bedroom sheets, or you can also use your belt, which gives the BDSM experience a little more edge.
2. Teasing and Edging
Edging is a type of sex play where you repeatedly cut your partner short of orgasms the minute they’re close to one. But don’t worry, in the end, you eventually give them that long-awaited O and it’s 10 times better than a regular orgasm! You can also do edging while you’re masturbating, or as a way to curb erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
And this is also one of the easiest ways you can enter BDSM territory. You don’t need any extra accessories – you just need the sheer power of will and a dominant attitude. And that’s it, it’s a way that leads to superb orgasms. Trust me, you’ll want to do this as often as possible.
You can do the teasing and the edging both when your partner is tied up and when they’re not. It’s up to both of you. Being tied up gives the whole experience a little more edge and makes it even more exciting. This is because the orgasm of the one who’s tied up really depends on the sheer will of the other!
For this you can use the bondage techniques and accessories I noted above. Bed restraints work really well in this scenario because they tie all four limbs, so your partner won’t be able to touch herself, even when she’s on the verge of coming.
Next, I’m going to give you a few tips on how you can use teasing and edging in more particular sexual scenarios for maximum pleasure and a true BDSM experience!
Give each other a massage but ignore the genitals
Almost everybody loves a good massage, I’m sure. Put that in a sexual and erotic context, and you’ve got a winner!
The trick here, though, is to avoid touching each other’s genitals. So, let’s say you get your favorite massage oil (there’s plenty of essential oils out there you can use) and start touching her. You go all around her body, squeezing her thighs, her buttocks, her legs, her back, going dangerously close to vulva territory, but you never really enter it.
Trust me, this is a great way to play the teasing game and it’s a super fun way to start foreplay!
Make her beg you to touch her
This is the ultimate dominant behavior – making your lover beg for stimulation and an orgasm. And this is also the naughty, dirty part of edging during sex.
So the trick is to make your lover as horny as possible and then back off. You can, for example, pull out, if you’re in the middle of intercourse, and/or stop stimulating her clitoris. Then start doing something else – change positions, start touching her breasts, start massaging her, but don’t stimulate! Or don’t do anything at all and just make her beg you to continue touching her. This works even better if she’s tied up.
Another thing you can do is give her cunnilingus – lick her vulva without actually touching her clitoris. Trust me, this will drive her wild!
You can also do this with sex toys if you want. For example, you can tease and stimulate her clit with a wand massager and then pull back at the last moment.
What Your Lady Can Do for You
Have your lady stimulate your prostate
So, I’ve briefly talked about prostate stimulation in a couple of articles on the blog. I know it’s a thing most straight guys still shy away from, although it provides a world of pleasure once you dare try it.
So, if you’re up for it, you can ask your lady to stimulate your prostate, while performing edging as well along the way. She can use her finger(s) or a toy, or even a strap on dildo. Whatever works best for you. And she can start stimulating, she can also play with your balls and penis, and then once you’re very close to orgasming – she’s going to stop! And she won’t let you have it until she wants you to have it or until you beg for it!
3. Giving Orders
If you like to play with the power of words, then dirty talk and giving orders is a good place to start.
The content of these words depends on every couple individually. You have to figure out what gets you off, share it with each other, and then include it in your BDSM sex game.
If you’re not really sure what to say, but you want to try it anyway, take a look at the following phrases which might inspire you to come up with your own. Or, you know, you can just take them verbatim and enjoy yourselves!
- Start (insert activity here) and stop when I tell you to!
- Spread your legs and stay put until I’m done with my job.
- Bend over that counter (or another surface) and don’t move!
- If you moan, even one time during intercourse, I won’t let you finish!
I mean, you get the picture, right?
What’s more, you can also include phrases like “Sir” or “Madam” in your BDSM language and establish your BDSM personae more firmly.
4. Sensation Play
Sensation play means a lot of things in BDSM – the main thing, though, is that its focus is on a particular physical form of erotic or sex play, rather than an emotional or psychological one.
So, for example, sensation play would be playing with ice cubes on your partner’s body and genitals. Using feathers or specially designed ticklers for tickling your partner is another form.
So is sensory deprivation, which you might know already. It’s a form of BDSM play where you put a blindfold or a scarf on your partner’s eyes and make them anticipate your every move, along with feeling every sensation extra strong because they can’t actually feel it.
5. Bite Each Other
You remember the embarrassing, yet desired hickeys, right? Well, why not get them back in the game? Why not consider biting as another BDSM idea?
Of course, the intensity of the bite, as well as the allowed areas should be pre-negotiated with your partner. You also have to talk about whether you’re allowed to leave marks (which usually happens when you add suction to the biting).
But other than that, biting can be an exciting and easy way to start your BDSM game. You have (presumably) her whole body to nibble on!
6.Hair Pulling
This one, similarly to the biting thing we mentioned and the spanking below, is connected with sensations of pain during sex or erotic play. So, again, boundaries and pain intensities must be established before you begin doing any of it.
Hair pulling is also an activity that works well as an introduction into the BDSM realm. I mean, you might’ve already done this during sex. She or you might’ve pulled each other’s hair as you were getting close to an orgasm.
If not, no big deal, you can always try it for the first time. A good position that works well with hair pulling is, of course, doggy! So here you can order your lady to bend over that desk, spread her legs, and wait for you to enter her. Once you do and start thrusting, and as both of you get more and more excited, you can start pulling her hair and show her who’s the boss.
7. Spanking
And lastly, we get to spanking, a BDSM classic. There are so many ways you can do it: you can use a whip, a cane, a belt, spanking paddles, a slapper, a whipping rod, and more.
Or you know, you can just use your hand! It might even be best to start with your hands if you haven’t done it before. After that, see where it takes you and implement toys along the way.
Also, you can get many different forms of items intended for spanking, depending on the kind of sensation your partner (or you) wants to experience. If she wants a more flat way of spanking, then hands and paddles will do the trick. And if she wants something sharper and slicker, well then, the whip or whipping rod is the route you should take.
Spanking can be done on any part of the body – the most frequent pleasure spots, however, are the buttocks and genitals.
Before You Set Out to Try Any of These BDSM Ideas…
Now, before I conclude with this article, I want to say a few more words about things to have in mind when engaging with BDSM activities.
The important thing is not to rush into a more hardcore BDSM territory if you’re both not ready yet. There’s plenty of time to get there if you give each other enough time to communicate and learn about the ways you can make the experience fun and safe at the same time.
And, also, listen to your partner and don’t push them if they’re not ready. And vice versa – if you’re the one who’s not ready, don’t agree to do something you think you’ll be uncomfortable with.
It’s better to take small steps than have bad BDSM experiences.
Okay, so a lot of the BDSM play requires a certain dose of safety consideration – for the both of you. Usually, the submissives in the BDSM game are more vulnerable and prone to being hurt, so making sure the sub is extra safe should be a top priority.
I’ve included a couple of things you should take notice of when trying out a new BDSM thing. Take a look at this checklist:
Consent
I can’t stress this enough, folks. Consent is the number one thing when it comes to BDSM and sex. Make sure you and your partner know what you’re about to do, are okay with it, and are aware of the potential dangers the particular play might bring with itself. You can’t cut corners when it comes to consent!
Know what you’re doing
Okay, I know this is hard when it comes to new things you’re trying out. BUT, the main idea is that you prepare yourself for what you’re about to do – both in terms of theory and actual safety emergency utilities. Like, for example, if you’re trying out wax play, it’s not advisable to do it with just about any candle! There are specially-made body-safe types of candles made precisely for this kind of thing. And there’s also a whole wax play kit that includes aftercare creams, water, and emergency balms that soothe accidental burns.
The same goes for bondage, any type of binding, tying, as well as gagging. If you’re new to this stuff, don’t overdo it. Start slow, try cuffs that are easy to use in the beginning before you cross over to more complicated bondage scenarios that require a little more technical knowledge and skill.
Don’t try something dangerous if you don’t know how to get out of It
Like, for example, don’t tie up your partner if you don’t know how to untie them quickly. Or, don’t try to suspend them if you don’t really know how!
Think of your partner’s comfort
Yes, BDSM does often include a certain amount of pain, but still, you have to think of your partner’s safety and comfort. Especially if you’re new to the game, and even more so if you spend hours and hours in the same position, or tied up, suspended, and the like. Muscles and joints can get sore, twisted, inflamed, and stressed – keep that in mind so you don’t cause an even bigger injury.
Which brings me to the safe word.
Use a safe word
If you’ve read about BDSM before, you’ve probably noticed how important having a safe word is. If you haven’t, let us explain.
Well, a safe word is basically a code word or a phrase that submissives use to communicate to their dominant partner that a certain boundary has been crossed (whether it’s physical or emotional). It usually signifies that they don’t feel comfortable anymore or that they feel pain/more pain than they can or want to bear, or that they are in danger. You should never ignore a safe word.
And don’t forget aftercare
Aftercare is a term in BDSM that implies taking some time after a BDSM session to communicate and also take physical care of each other, to make sure you’re both okay with the BDSM experience.
This can mean an honest heart to heart talk, cuddling, massage, drinking plenty of water, taking care of bruised or hurt body parts, etc.
If you want to read a wider introduction to BDSM, I suggest you take a look at my BDSM for Beginners article. It covers a lot of aspects of the BDSM experience you should know about, and it also offers a set of resources (events, websites, books) you can find online or in print connected with BDSM in various ways.
