When we talk about sex, we usually don’t talk about punishment as well. But the world of BDSM is different. BDSM punishment can actually be a very, very sexy thing – if you’re into it.
Not everyone that engages in BDSM sex and dom/sub (dominant and submissive) relations includes punishment in their sexual and erotic play. The dynamics differ from couple to couple.
The dom usually punishes the sub if they fail to follow their prescribed (pre-agreed) rules or if they fail to obey somehow.
It’s up to every couple to decide on their own what kind of rules and orders they’re going to use in the BDSM game, and how far they’re willing to go. The same goes for punishments – there isn’t one size fits all BDSM punishments. And the options for them are basically endless.
You can include stuff like bondage, or other types of restraints, spanking, forbidding certain sexual acts or making your partner do certain sexual acts (but only if they consented to this kind of game, of course). And this is just a very small part of it.
In order to make it a tad easier for you, I compiled a list of BDSM punishment ideas you can use in the bedroom (or outside of it) – ASAP.
Types of BDSM Punishments
I stumbled upon a very neat Reddit thread that talked about the types of BDSM punishments, and I just had to include it.
Some of the main types of punishments are:
- Tedious punishments
“Tedious punishments involve pointless tasks. This can be telling the sub he needs to move an entire pile of rice one grain of the time across the kitchen using only a pair of tweezers or forcing the sub to write “I will not disobey my master” in script 200 times, with another 10 lines added for every spelling or spacing error.”
Negative punishments
“Negative punishments can be varied. Losing the ability to do enjoyable hobbies such as gaming, loss of table privileges (forcing the sub to eat on the floor), loss of use of hands when doing chores, or loss of bathroom privileges are all good ideas. In a sub who does not have an eating disorder, you can deny the sub interesting food (no dessert or only meals that are bland but nutritionally appropriate). Taking away orgasms after extended teasing or taking away sexual touch altogether can be very effective.”
Productive punishments
“I personally suggest punishments that are unpleasant but productive for the dominant. Extended cleaning of the house while wearing uncomfortable shoes or listening to talk radio that pisses off the sub is one idea. Organizing closets with one hand behind her back. Cleaning up as you cook messily. You have the sub there. You might as well use him.”
Funishments
“Note there something called a funishment, which results from a sub deliberately acting out to provoke the dominant. This often happens with a brat sub. It can get tiring to punish a brat sub which is why you should go for punishments that are creative rather than painful. Spanking the spank whore will not do anything. Forcing the spank whore to hand vacuum every rug in your house on hands and knees will be more effective. And in many cases, the intention is playful, not corrective.”
The main advice of the thread was that the most important thing about BDSM punishments is to know your own particular limits as a couple (how far you’re willing to go) and to know the dynamics of the relationship well. If you have that, it’ll be much easier to come up with a whole set of BDSM punishments for your pleasure only.
Also, if the sub actually enjoys the punishments and you want to engage in a bit more advanced sadomasochistic behavior, then it’s time to get creative.
“Examples include being forced to hold a quarter to the wall with your nose, holding heavy weights with arms out to the side, or forcing the sub to switch between two uncomfortable positions as muscles tire […]” and “forcing the sub to squat” are some of the stuff you can use as BDSM punishments according to the Reddit thread.
12 BDSM Punishment Ideas
The interesting thing about punishment in the realm of BDSM is that it’s not only about pain – there’s also plenty of pleasure involved in it too. In fact, pain and pleasure are often complementary in BDSM practices. And the great thing about it is that it allows both of you to explore and enact parts of you that just don’t really have the chance to see the light of day very often.
That being said, let’s take a look at the 12 BDSM punishment ideas for your submissive and for the pleasure of both of you!
1. Don’t Let Them Come
Also commonly known as edging, this is one of the oldest tricks in the book, but it works wonders. Edging, orgasm denial or orgasm control is when you don’t allow your partner to come when she’s on the brink of coming.
It can be done in a number of ways. You can do it during intercourse, and when you notice she’s close to an orgasm you stop or change your position. Or you can do it during cunnilingus when you’re stimulating her with a sex toy, or with your fingers.
2. Force Her to Have an Orgasm
The opposite of edging is a forced orgasm. It’s a form of BDSM punishment in which you practically overstimulate your partner’s genitals by continuing to touch her even when she’s already come.
Of course, you have to be mindful of whether she’s into this kind of thing in the first place, or not.
3. Spanking
Spanking is another oldie-but-goldie BDSM punishment. You can spank your partner with different items and in almost any position imaginable.
You can, for example, make her bend over the kitchen counter and use your hand to slap her buttocks. Or instead of your hand, you can use a spanking rod or a whip. You know, whatever works!
If you’re just starting out with spanking, remember to hit the fleshy parts of her body or the parts she’s comfortable with being hit. The fleshy parts are usually the buttocks and the upper thighs.
4. Don’t Let Her Talk or Make a Sound
BDSM punishments are about establishing control and authority over the submissive subject. And what better way to do it than forbid them to speak or even make a sound?
So, next time your misbehaving sub breaks a rule, show her who’s boss. Tell her she’s not allowed to make any sound for the rest of the evening/night/day. You can also tell her that she’s only allowed to speak if she asks for permission first.
5. Tie Her Up
You can tie your sub in so many different ways folks. You can use cuffs, bondage rope, tape, but also your own ties and her own scarves.
My suggestion is you try the under-the-bed restraints system which is precisely that – a set of four cuffs with which you can tie her ankles and her wrists with a long buckle that goes under the mattress for better hold.
If she’s into it, you can tie her up and leave her like that for a while, so you can build anticipation. You can even stimulate her a little bit before you leave her like that. Trust me, by the time you get back, she’ll be literally begging you to have sex with her.
6. Don’t Let Her Touch You
When you forbid your partner to touch you, she’ll want to do it even more. And this works even better if you tease her a little bit before that.
Or you can limit the touch to only some body parts. Like, for example, you can touch each other’s genitals, but she’s not allowed to kiss you. Or, you may stimulate her pussy, but she can’t touch you at all.
And then, you can also make her please you in different ways and you won’t touch her body at all. That’ll drive her crazy.
Basically, you’ll be turning your body into a prize and an object of desire either way.
7. Include Cuckolding as a form of BDSM Punishment
Cuckolding is a term that describes a scenario where one person watches their partner have sex with someone else as a form of pleasure. It can be for the pleasure of the person having sex (usually the dom in this scenario) or the one that watches, aka the cuckold. But it’s usually used as a form of erotic humiliation, so the emphasis is on the pleasure of the dom. However, the sub who watches the whole act can also derive pleasure either from knowing the dom feels that way, from watching the act itself, or even from both.
Not everybody can do this, and it’s sometimes considered a more advanced form of BDSM punishment. That’s because you will need to find and include a third person in this game, and you will need to be okay as a couple with the whole thing.
If you want a cuckolding lite version, I suggest you use a sex toy instead of another person. And, if your wife is the dom in this case or most of the time, then she can use a vibrator, a dildo, or a butt plug (or both). If you’re the one that will use a sex toy, then you can use a vibrating cock ring, pleasure sleeve, or a male masturbator. Or, if you’re into anal play, you can also use sex toys such as a prostate massager, or a good old butt plug (there are vibrating ones on the market nowadays as well).
If you want to further add to the experience, you can also use humiliating words towards your sub like “Even this dildo screws better than you”, or “I’m having the time of my life right not”, and the like.
8. Walk Her Like a Dog
If you’re into sexual roleplay then maybe this one will be among your favorite BDSM punishment ideas on this list.
You can get one of those dog masks that are super kinky, get a collar and leash and make her get on all four. Then you can walk around the house that way until the punishment is over.
9. Wax-Play
Use wax play as a form of BDSM punishment only if your partner agrees to it (as with any other type of punishment here, in fact). Wax play is when you put hot wax from a candle on your partner’s body as a way to stimulate their senses.
One thing you have to keep in mind when you’re trying out wax play is that you have to use a specifically designed candle for this kind of BDSM play (it’s also called a body-safe candle). That’s because they’re usually made of soy and paraffin, and they burn between 135 F and 145 F, and 120 F and 135F. But, the most important thing is that the wax cools off faster once it touches the skin. Hence they’re much less likely to cause burns on your partner’s body.
10. Make Your Sub Ask for Permission to Masturbate
With this BDSM punishment, your wife will only be allowed to masturbate if you let her. If you want to make it extra kinky, you can guide and instruct her throughout the whole thing.
You can tell her how to touch herself and even tell her when to orgasm. If she makes a misstep somewhere, revoke the permission and tell her she’s not allowed to masturbate anymore.
11. Make Her Wear a Collar
Collars are one of the most famous BDSM props out there. Making your sub wear a collar as a form of punishment is definitely a powerful and very obvious way to assert dominance and show her who’s the authority figure here.
12. Deny Her Any Attention
Dealing with a bratty sub may require you to stop paying attention to her for a while. Deny your sub’s attention for a little while, and also forbid her from coming to you, touching you, or even seeing you as a form of BDSM punishment. And reap the erotic benefits afterward!
Final Thoughts
I hope these BDSM punishments sparked your imagination. I also hope they helped you come up with your own kinky punishments that you can’t wait to use in the bedroom.
